I can’t fit into this reality anymore. Everything I see and hear just sounds so crazy. What I mean by this is that it’s difficult to live in a limited awareness environment, a place where most people have given their power over to a god that never hears their prayers.
I asked my partner this morning if his swollen leg was better. He couldn’t walk all week because of swelling and severe pain, thus was not able to make the trip to the mainland today for therapy. He answers:”I’m a bit better, I think I can walk but I will stay in bed one more day just to be on the safe side”.
My first thought reaction was: “I’m better but I will sabotage the progress because I’m afraid if I get up I will injure myself”. This is how I interpreted his response. I didn’t agree with his statement so I suggested that perhaps walking to the bathroom instead of pissing in the pot for starters might help with circulation and that his fear was holding him back from recovery. He got upset at my suggestion and accused me of being insensitive. I know when to pull back, so I did and reminded him that he knows best.
It’s statements like this that leave me wondering why I even bother to raise my level of awareness. It’s frustrating to hear and see people, not only my partner sabotage any progress by being afraid of recovery. I believe my partner has benefit from being ill, it suits him for whatever reason but when I try to help him with this destructive thought process, he simply gets angry and rejects any effort to change it.
At the market this morning, one of the clerks asked me how he was. I said he was doing fine, without going into detail because I already knew the response I would get. “Poor you”she says, “I know what it’s like taking care of a sick husband”. Because I knew she was low awareness, I couldn’t tell her I was not poor me nor was my life any worse off because my partner chose that experience. She would think I was nuts because I didn’t confirm her victim mentality.
Where am I? This is what I keep asking myself all day long because I feel that I’m the only one that is awake and aware and my challenge is that I must express this love with everyone regardless of how I feel. I’m not there yet. I feel that I’m here physically, but somewhere else spiritually and that I split in two by mistake.
I left the market in silence, it wasn’t time to tell the clerk that we all make choices and that god had nothing to do with his illness. I did smile while talking to her and listening, she really meant well and perhaps at our next Poetry gathering, I can bring up the subject.
My world here is tiny, micro space with 1800 population. I saw 3 people on the way to the market today. I can’t judge or assess the global consciousness in a country that is predominantly Catholic but as I reach higher levels of awareness, the more out of touch I am feeling with the locals.
Loving regardless, is not yet easy as I react too fast and forget that I must BE love and stop using this brain to constantly analyze all the data entering it, but as an intellectual, I’ve been programmed that way and old habits are hard to stop.
I have always believed and written about how we have to first take care of ourselves, we have to BE what it is we teach others, but at the same time we have to participate in this reality because the system is rigged. If you don’t pay your utility bill, the power will get shut off. If you don’t eat, you will die so we need income to survive. We can’t all just take off to Tibet and meditate all day to achieve enlightenment, we have to live inside the matrix physically but disconnect from it spiritually.
My challenge in the new year is to be more loving and understanding. Instead of trying to help people change the way they think. I am going to just BE what I want them to be and let them decide if it’s something they want as well.
Let me rephrase that. I don’t want them to BE what I think they should BE, I want them to see the benefits of BEING in a state of bliss, unencumbered by the silly details of everyday life, understanding that life is what they make it. I would like them to desire knowledge on how to remove themselves from the reality they consider to be victims of and that they understand it’s what they created and not someone else, least likely their god.
I want to run into people that will greet me with a smile, point towards the sky and say “Isn’t it wonderful today, look at the blue sky, how awesome”. Life is great, if only I learned sooner.
It sounds wonderful does it not? It is and can be if you are surrounded with people that may not necessarily be in a higher state of consciousness but are at least open minded enough to desire to learn or become happier.
Ultimately, isn’t that what we all want? Isn’t everyone’s goal and desire to be happy? Happiness may mean different things to different people.
Happiness for me is living a life of abundance and by that I mean food, water, friends and all the things that we humans need to sustain life. Happiness is feeling in control of your life knowing that you, only you determines its quality. And in the end, happiness is about living in truth or at the least, having a desire to know it.
Love is not part of that because we already ARE LOVE. Love is not something you strive for, you already have it. Love is not something we need, it’s always part of our innate, the deception placed on us twisted its meaning and convinced us that it’s “out there”somewhere. Love is what you ARE. Love is what you are never without. Love is the elusive emotion we keep looking for yet it’s been under our noses all along. You ARE Love.
With that said, to be in LOVE requires peeling all the layers of deception placed upon us over the eons and that requires work on your part.
This illusion that we exist in may have purpose and that is to find out how long it will take us to reach LOVE. Hey, I’m just thinking out loud, it may not be that way, but whatever method you use matters not. What matters is that you find your way home to LOVE, to Oneness, to everything that you ARE.
How wonderful is that? I don’t know about you, but the new year for me will be about loving more and thinking less. It will be about compassion for the souls that are so lost in the destruction of their own truth. I want a better world even though it may be an illusion, but I believe unless we break the spell of entrapment, we will continue running around like chickens looking for something that isn’t outside our reality.
It’s under your nose, take your right hand and put it on your heart, there you go. That is where you can find the answers, if you dare to question.
Happy new year dear readers, I reached a 10,000 views per day readership, thank you so much for being part of my journey.
May the next year be the best, the last of this matrix we all got caught in. Trust that you will find the answers, believe that, know that, feel that and LOVE that because it’s YOU.
May peace and joy fill your life.