I have spent 38 years of my life searching for “god”, it’s existence and my purpose here in this current reality. This journey started on July 3rd, 1981 after the birth of my son. As I was under general anesthesia for a planned C. Section, something went wrong and I went into respiratory failure. By the time a tracheostomy was performed, I was ” clinically” dead or flatlined. It took 12 minutes according to the medical team trying to save me before they were able to bring me back and then the rush to deliver my son, whom they believed would certainly have major brain damage. It was a miracle that he was alive as a baby without oxygen for more than 2 minutes can be severely brain damaged, let alone 12 minutes.
This incredible man is almost 39 years old, he has the wisdom of an ancient Soul, artistically gifted and he draws/paints characters that are not of this world, the only damage we were able to assess was his arm where the elbow joint fused together and most likely a result of him being pulled out by the arm which fractured the bones and it fused together . I didn’t notice anything wrong until about the age of 4 when I was giving out some candy and told him and his sister to put their hands out. I noticed my son could not do so without bending and twisting his elbow so I took him for tests and then found out what the problem was.
This event was studied in the Medical Community, the entire hospital, Langley Memorial in B.C. were excited to see me and the baby, but I was in a coma for 10 days and woke up with all these tubes. Nobody could explain to me what happened, let alone why both myself and the baby were alive.
I grew up in a Catholic home, my mother being more religious than my father. He would drive my mom to Church and then stand outside talking to friends. My life at home was full of physical and psychological abuse. Things done to me were considered “strict immigrant discipline in a foreign culture”. Today, parents that do this kind of thing end up being charged and convicted of child abuse. I live in fear of my dad until I turned 16 and ran away from home. In the 70’s in Canada, once you turn 16, the police could not force you to go back home.
As a child and all through those years at home, I felt different. As I was often punished by sending me to my room for days or even weeks, I had nothing but my bed, desk and school stuff so I dealt with the rage and anger by writing how much I hated my parents. Often, I would look up to the sky through my window and wish that “they” could come and get me. I longed for the stars, I felt like someone just dropped me off in this hell hole and I wanted to return home. I never understood this and through trauma we forget many things. I could never accept authority nor being told what to do. Yes, I was a child, but a child needs to play and have friends, so I would sneak out when my dad was at work to play with the neighbors or sneak after school. I snuck out at night, but my parents considered me as a rebel and a bad child. It was a cycle of fear, rebellion and then punishment.
I was told that God would punish me for being a bad child and disobedient, my mother would often say: ” God is punishing me for being a bad mother, why are you doing this to me?” Imagine that. I was at fault for causing her grief?
I couldn’t understand why God was always punishing me even after I left home. why he was so cruel to me when all I wanted was for people to stop abusing me. I couldn’t find a rationale behind this because I wasn’t a bad person, my parents were and so why punish a child? All sorts of theories and thoughts went through my mind over the years until that day.
As a damaged child and then woman, I lived a very dysfunctional life while at the same time studying Psychology to understand why parents claim to love their children but abuse them. I became obsessed with being the best in everything to prove my parents that I was worth something and they ingrained into me that I would never amount to anything or succeed in life. I married an abuser and left him 5 years after, my son was 2 years old at the time and things started to make sense.
I don’t like to call my experience as an NDE. A Near Death experience doesn’t exist. You’re either dead or you’re not. When you flatline and there is no brain activity, that is called a Clinical Death. If there is brain activity, that would be a near death experience. I literally left a lifeless body behind, I saw doctors trying to save me, my limp body jumping after each electrical shock yet I could feel my baby’s heart. He was alive. In a moment, I found myself in a space I later understood was the Source of Creation. We come here each time we leave a physical body, it was familiar, like I had been there before. A message was given to me that it was time for me to remember who I was and return back. It took another 20 years to fit the puzzle because enlightenment doesn’t happen overnight. You’re talking about a young woman, raised as a Catholic with a cruel God who leaves her body and has no fucking idea what happened. It was totally against everything I was taught about life and death.
Honestly, had I not had this experience, statistically I would be either dead or drugged, addicted, alcoholism from all the injustice done to me. I now understand that as an Old Soul and Crystal child, only such could choose so many different and traumatic experiences and come out of it. Only old souls can take on such challenges and overcome them.
Most people that have out of body experiences which is what I had in a way, claim that their lives are never the same after that, their lives change forever.
So, my journey started 38 years ago. I needed to know how God could be so cruel and unjust. I studied theology, joined many different religious organizations, including Jehovah’s Witnesses because they offered me a Paradise. After 8 years of searching and reading, I discovered Buddhism. It made sense to me. No Deity or supernatural being that would judge me, but Karma wasn’t clear to me, it didn’t resonate completely, though logical in a way, I struggled with this for many years after and today, in 2020, I feel that i have a better grasp on it’s meaning or existence.
According to Wikipedia:” Karma means actions, work or deed. It also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual, (cause) influence the future of that individual. Good intent and good deeds contribute to good Karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and bad rebirths.
I disagree with Buddha on this aspect. As far as I can recall studying Nichiren Daishonen Buddhism; I don’t recall Buddha ever having an NDE or died and met with Source so I have to assume this was his observation or personal belief because he questioned our purpose here.
One cannot feel true compassion for another that has been abused or harmed by another person unless they have had a similar experience. One can understand, respect, comfort, validate and feel sympathy, but Compassion comes from sharing the trauma energy/frequency. Compassion has been ill defined or we use it too loosely.
Many years ago I read a story about a Compassionate Monk. A man was walking to the Palace of his employer, an Emperor and on his way up the mountain, he saw an old man laying on his back naked and tied up with grass. The old man told him he was a Monk and was robbed on his way to his Temple. The Emperor’s employee asked the Monk why he didn’t just get up. The Monk answered” I Cannot do this because I would harm the grass”. This is compassion. The Monk saw the grass as a living organism and made a vow to not hurt any living being. Nice story.
Reincarnation is the natural cycle of birth and death called “Samsara” in Buddhism. When I say reincarnation, it’s not according to Buddhist teachings, but to free will to reincarnate. Soul chooses to incarnate or reincarnate. Soul has specific reasons to incarnate into the human body. It may choose to experience what it feels like to kill or be killed. Soul evolution is about experiencing “all that is” in this physical reality. If this is the case, then why would Soul be punished and has to return to fix mistakes in human reality if that was it’s reason to incarnate into a body? The Soul has free will to choose, if that is the case, then Karma doesn’t make sense.
You see, even a few posts ago I wrote: ” If God created us into his own image (whatever that means); why punish us for being liars or murderers?” If we humans are the image of this human god, do we not have good and bad virtues?
There is a difference in both “superior” beings between human and Soul. Perhaps, the Gods in the bible made themselves Gods to humans and as humans have adopted the belief, even though we can’t seem to agree on what “in his image” actually means.
That topic itself is another post, but the Bibles that I read do not describe what these Gods or God looks like other than a paragraph of where Even heard God calling her and in a hurry to cover up their naked bodies started to run away and were called back. I have to assume this God was physical as both Adam and Eve were trying to explain why they disobeyed.
So what did the God look like? Like humans? We will never know what in his image means or whether true as the story of Genesis is not defined by a date or time. Personally I don’t pay any credits to a bible even though there are some facts and truth in them. We can safely say, according to Peter Kling that gods (Elohim) were Annunaki brothers called Enlil and Enki and that they used existing humans to genetically modify the new Adamos body to serve their needs. Disobedience was not a human trait the gods wanted.
If the Soul has free will and it chooses to incarnate into a human body then Karma can’t exist. It doesn’t even exist in everyday human life in terms of cause and effect because I never hurt anyone in my life on purpose, yet I experienced many horrific things. A Buddhist will say: ” Well, you must have lived a bad life in a previous life and are now paying for it”.
From the level of Soul, we have free will to choose anything or do anything we want so long as we don’t cause harm to others, thus why punish the Soul to return back and “be better or fix mistakes”? It doesn’t make sense, does it? This “As it is on Earth so it is in Heaven” is just a human theory or desire, as one has nothing to do with the other. Humans live in this physical reality called Earth, a 3D dimensional reality/density while outside this physical planet/reality and body, we are Souls of free will and know only of LOVE.
Therefore, it is my opinion based on years of study and personal experiences that Karma is a human made up belief or derived from misguided religious teachings. Incarnation or reincarnation are choices based on free will. A Soul may choose to reincarnate as many times as it feels it needs to experience and grow. It would be just another fearful life of dying if Karma was real.
I belong to Sokka Gakai International, an organization dedicated to Nichiren Daishonen Buddhism. Nichiren, if my memory serves me was a 12th century Japanese Monk who found in the Lotus Sutra that we don’t have to reincarnate many times in order to clear our Karma. He claims that we can clear our Karma in this existing life by chanting Nyam Myoho Renge Kyo. I found these teachings in a book while I was undergoing Cancer recovery, became a member of SGI and started to chant. It did change my life, I healed, became calmer and stopped being so angry at the world because I blamed God and everyone around me for getting cancer and punishing me again. I learned that I made the choices, I caused this to happen to me and that I had the power to change that and heal if I wanted to.
It’s called “Coming Full Circle”. From the womb into this physical reality which is harsh, to understanding and discovering who I am. I will eventually leave this body and as a Soul choose where or what I want to experience. I have felt for a long time that I am not coming back here. I think that I have done everything I needed to learn and might want to have some fun like Holographic Hawaii or Fiji…whatever, I have no idea what choices I will make on the other side, but this incarnation has been difficult for everyone, not just me. We all came here to end this Terminal Madness, it’s been tough and many opted out long before it got tough. But they too, came with purpose, and left after doing their work.
Soul; having a human experience. Soul has free will until it enters the human body/vehicle. From there, the body is controlled by the Computer brain, totally blocked from it’s Soul past or Akashic records and it’s journey is to discover itself.
I can’t say that Nichiren Daishonen is correct or not but I can say that once I adopted this Buddhist practices and way of life, my life improved. Chanting raised the frequency, this is what it’s all about. It’s not the words rather the sound that raises our awareness. This goes for all chants.
The hardest part was synchronizing the human body with Soul (intution) so that the two can work together. I see myself as a spirit entering this body, attaching myself to various parts of the body and then trying to contact the brain/heart and give instructions, we call this Intuition. A simplistic way of defining the Union of Soul/body.
I’m proud to say that I’m not some superficial human guru or know it all claiming to know our given current reality and why we are here. I experienced a Soulful experience, out of this human body to be reminded of who I truly am. I know both Heaven/Soul Residence and Earth human evolution, at least it is my understanding based on my experiences and my Guides.
I believe that Karma was designed to create a psychological condition or a religious deity communicated this with a good intention; that if you are good, good things will happen and thus motivating humans to do good rather than bad or to keep us under control and in fear? I found that once I was able to remove the negative programming and replace it with “manifesting”, things happened.
One of these programs that I wrote about a few times is “Poverty Consciousness”. I can only speak for the poor people that I know personally who constantly repeat: ” I’m poor, I have no money, I can’t afford to buy this or that, God doesn’t listen to my prayers, etc.” This goes on and on and all they are doing is giving power to their poverty and manifesting more of it. If I feel helpless and believe that only God can help me, I will never get out of the problem and I will keep blaming God and everyone else for my poverty.
Manifesting isn’t just thinking what you want. It’s about putting all your effort and energy into manifesting it. It’s like a Dream. Dreams don’t come true just because you dream about it. Those that work towards that dream, will make it come true.
I currently have a wish to buy a Metal Detector. It’s not in my current budget as this Pandemic is happening and so I have to ensure that I have everything covered for food and bills. But, I started with writing down what I wanted. How and what options I have to come up with the money and when I”m not thinking anything important, I’m visualizing the Metal Detector, I see myself with it and looking for treasures. I think and sleep Metal Detector and work towards manifesting. It will be here by the end of the money, it’s really simple. I’m also researching the history of this island as it goes back to the 3rd Century Roman Empire and there are places on this island where the Emperor used for holiday, to buy fish, wine, olive oil etc. Ships docked here…all these places are on my list to detect when it arrives. There are many beaches here as well…this is called manifesting, making it real, creating the desire and telling the Universe I am ready to receive.
It took many years to find my way, to discover who I am and why I am here. Connection to our Intuitive Self or Soul, to nature, to all that is, has given me joy in being human because I create and control, I am solely responsible for my own human condition and I won’t be punished for making bad choices or decisions because they are part of the lessons I came to learn.
It would make Creator/Source just as cruel as the Human God to place me into a Karmic chain of birth and death due to my behaviour. It would be a breach against all Universal Laws, our Free Will and our ability as Souls to evolve.
Karma, in my opinion is a human made event that just creates more fear and trauma into this already challenging existence, and as you know, fear holds the lowest frequency and is opposite of LOVE.
Old Soul, when you incarnated, all you knew was LOVE, it is our challenge as Souls to find it and return to that state. Love raises frequencies, we emanate that frequency to others and the human heart rids itself of all pain from this physical life. The more you LOVE, the more living organisms you enhance. We all came from the same Source, we are all ONE, but easier said than done.
You Are The Light That You Always Have Been 