Nothing Is As It Seems

You would think that spring was here, well, at least in my part of the world. Normally, March gets warmer and we are already sowing our summer garden, but over the last 15 years, spring never arrived and we went from cold wet winters to hot summer days. The adjustment is terrible on the body as it has to change it’s temperature regulators and it takes 21 days to catch on.

We have had beautiful sunny weather, albeit cold but nice enough that I actually was able to get a lot of work done in the yard and with so much time now, I was able to get so much work done. Normally, I wait by the window until May or June to rush out and get started, this year, February was the month I was able to work outside, really weird.

Nothing is at it seems. I know those of you that live in North America are under piles of snow and winter weather, so it’s hard to believe that spring is just around the corner, but nothing is what it seems to be. Even though this weather we are having now was normal 15 years ago and for hundreds of years before me, there is a strangeness in the air. I  was shocked last night as I was undressing to shower that I was tanned on parts of my exposed skin like face and neck. Just think, the temperature during the day is around 10 to 11C but I’m tanning? The chemtrails are back with gusto, following the sun until it sets as if it’s trying to hide something. What can it be?
I’m feeling an unease these days, nothing to do with my personal life or existence, but rather in the air, nature and this entire reality that I exist in. I sense that something is coming, something that is not going to be a good thing, something that might change my life overnight.  I feel this internal pressure to get as much of the yard prepared to grow food, I over purchased seeds this year, seeds I know I will not use up for a few years, yet I don’t have an explanation, I follow my intuition.

Ants hibernate until the soil gets warm. As I am digging in the garden, I see ants active and speedy, collecting food and carrying it to their ant holes/hills. Now in March? What do they know that we don’t know? Their work of collecting food for winter is usually done until the cold days of fall/winter, they then hide in their tunnels and burrows until the weather warms up, instead, during the cold weather of March, they are out in their drone lines and going back and forth collecting food.

Flies are a summer thing here in Croatia. They are gone as soon as it gets under 15C and don’t come back until warm spring. We have had flies all winter and today, as I opened the sliding windows in the Sunroom, hundreds of them flew inside, flies that are vicious, fly directly in your face, really weird stuff. I had to go down to the shop and get my fly screens because the house was filled with them.

Nature is speaking. It is saying: “Nothing is at it seems”. Have we ignored the signs all along or not paid attention to them or am I just more aware of Nature and starting to pick up it’s language? I noticed today that all the little lizards in my garden are without tails. I will guess my cats tried to catch them and managed to just grab their tails, but one came up to me very close and just stared at me like he was saying: ” Your cat did this to me, luckily I survived”. Nature speaks to us if only we listen to it. For those living in cities, it’s not possible. Your gardens are devoid of much life because of the frequencies causing massive deaths of insects and birds. You don’t know this unless you have been paying attention to nature, but most people that live in the city and work everyday, are too busy working, commuting and getting home late to their families/homes. Nature is speaking to us, we need to take heed of it as it IS what keeps our existence. Imagine if all the bees die off? 80% of agriculture would halt as it depends on bees for pollination. I have seen bees in my garden that are confused, lost, buzzing on a leaf and disoriented because of pesticides and the frequencies from Technology. We are killing the most important parts of nature.

Nothing is as it seems because even if you notice it, you pretend to not notice it. Often we don’t want to know the truth, we ignore the signs like Cancer. People have digestion problems for months/years thinking it might be digestive related, afraid to go to the doctor because they don’t want to know the truth and by the time they do eventually go for a check up, Cancer has already spread. Our ignorance is like a Cancer, the more we ignore nature, the more crazy it appears to us so we pretend that we don’t notice it or don’t think about it.

My days of exposing frauds are over, I have been contemplating the purpose of this blog for a long time now, I have nothing to say. Being an Observer means exactly that, Observing without judgement or opinion, accept what I see or hear for what it is and move on. My reality is not your reality. The External world that you live in is not my world, I have purpose and intent. My life is filled with goals of making a better and healthier life for myself and my family. I’m done with the gurus and frauds, they have exposed themselves through time as lies can’t float on the water for too long, eventually they sink and many have already sunk, many yet to sink on their own accord. We don’t need to expose them. You choose to believe them or not. They are here for their own experiences, we are here for ours. Each one of us is a creator of our own reality. It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

I doubt that you will be hearing from me on a regular basis, maybe you will, maybe you don’t, I don’t make commitments or promises, I don’t do favors and I do from the heart. Waking up each day knowing that I am Creating the day is powerful. Knowing that I am in control of my destiny is empowering. No, I don’t believe that, I KNOW this. Whatever condition or state I am now as I write this post, is what I have created. This body I occupy is full of pain from a Congenital Disorder plus working in the yard with shovels and carrying heavy stones is hard on the muscles, but it is what I chose to do. I might start a new Gardening Blog, I might take a trip to Turkey for a week, I might do nothing, it all depends on what I’m feeling and thinking the day I choose to do whatever it is that I want to do.

I have been writing for years that you are a Creator of your own reality. Have you started creating it? Are you a believer or are you actually creating it? Believing in something is merely wishful thinking or adopting someone else’s belief system. In the end, whatever makes you happy is what you should be doing, creating your happiness and finding your purpose while you are here in this body.

Maybe nothing makes sense to you that I just wrote, I don’t care. It was never my intent to teach or convince you of anything, I simply shared my experiences and knowledge. I exposed many frauds not through research but FEELING; even I didn’t believe myself at first, but it turned out that my FEELINGS were correct, I had connected and have been connected with my Intuition. The all knowing, all seeing and all creating Soul that I am. Jesus even said: ” What I can do, you can too”. He was no different than you and I. He tried to empower us, to encourage us, to show us how powerful we are, but in the end was killed because “they”  didn’t want him to share his knowledge with others. It’s really that simple. Everything is simple. This life is simple. Your choice to incarnate here was simple. Your method and time of death of your body is simple. We come and go. We play out our roles and leave. Nature speaks, we need to listen because nothing is the way it seems. Nothing. The Hologram is breaking down, the Veil is being lifted, something is about to change.

Just Saying Hi


We sure have messed up haven’t we? I see reality for what it is; it’s been difficult to come up with a topic to write about because there is no judgement in my reality. It is what it is. But it doesn’t mean I don’t contemplate about this reality and how we got here.

Did we set it up ourselves before we incarnated? Is there a master plan? Or did we just choose to create a reality where we believe something or some ONE is caring for us? The thing is, we are an intelligent race. More so, we are gifted with imagination and creativity. How could we get this wrong or did we choose to create what is before us?

I often write about Terminal Madness, it is now upon us and we are in the Eye of the Storm. Where black is white, wrong is right, morals and virtues don’t exist. In fact, children raised today have no idea what they are.  Looking back to the time we can record wars, we are still warring with each other, colonizing, occupying and removing Dictators. Nothing has changed, the only difference now is that we can see it all real time, it doesn’t take months to cross a continent but we can watch it unfold and happen. This Madness is a sickness, a horrible disease, it’s manifested and mutated into such masses of tumours and boils that it has affected all sense of reality. I am Obsessed with avoiding the frequencies. I have protectors all around my technology and no longer carry my phone with me or on me for that matter. If I am not expecting a call, I leave the phone at home and work in the garden all day without hearing the stupid notification beeps. There is a deep sense of knowing that this invisible force of G4 and G5 and soon to come G6 is frying our brains and altering our natural body biorhythms, for a while I was feeling strange and realized it was the Wi Fi frequencies. We are much more advanced in Europe than US and Canada. Europe developed Wireless technologies much sooner because of need. For example: Split, the city I am born in is over 1300 years old, much of it’s original structure is intact, the infrastructure was difficult to change or add, especially when TV and Radio became popular, it was too difficult and costly to dig roves and canals for cables, so Europe started with wireless technology much sooner.

If I look at pictures of the US cities, I am shocked because I see telephone and Electric Power Poles. How primitive! Most of ours is underground, again, because cities are small and covered in stone blocks, there is not enough room to erect a huge pole, so in those instances everything was dug down.

Do we have a goal? Did we come with purpose? Is this all that we planned out and intentionally set out to do? Or, in order to learn about love and peace, we had to create fear and war? It would make sense given that we live in a duality. Fuck free will, look where it got us?

I take personal responsibility for my share, but I don’t feel that I have created any wrongs; I feel that this is where I need to be and what I should be doing. How do I know? I am at peace. I am grounded, I took out my contact lenses, I see it all before me and it’s not pretty. But, the difference of where I am today and where I was 20 years ago is that 20 years ago, I wanted to change the world. I thought I could make a difference, that if I taught by example, I would create a better world. I believed that I could convince people of my beliefs and that it would improve their lives. I truly believed this and it all backfired, but it was the lesson that I needed to learn.

Today, I feel that I am Creator of my own reality. This Unity or Mass Consciousness movement was another New Cage philosophy. We are individual souls, and though we needed each other to play out the game, we are here on our own merit and therefore, carry our own karma, not the Karma of the entire world or reality.  Today, I see Venezuela on the brink of war thanks to another intervention, but I no longer see it with emotion rather with a sense and knowledge that it was created for purpose.

I often write about how it will get worse before it gets better. So long as we have a roof over our head and food on the table, we are less inclined to fight for something better. Yes, we can share our thoughts and feelings on Social Media, but truth is, we are still in the same spot tomorrow, nothing changed. I don’t speak for myself as I write this because I don’t feel that I am part of this reality anymore. I have become the Observer, and because I am the Observer, I have no opinions, thoughts or predictions. If I said I knew what is coming, I have no way of proving to you how I know. If I said I just know and trust me, again, I have no way of proving that knowledge. After all, this is my reality and it’s far different than yours. Each reality is different because each of us is Creators of our own reality. The Soul Group creates the Core mission, the Soul Family creates the helping hands and we are the center of our own reality. Although many Souls participate in this reality, each neighbourhood looks different, each Ethnic group cooks differently, each Country has its own language, but as Souls we can travel to those places and learn about them.

How can intelligent humans get it so wrong you may ask? We are a reality of “saviour” mentalities. Whether it is a God, or Government we rely so heavily on external resources and with that, gave away our power to those that we believed would do well for us.  Nothing has changed in this reality, we are still seeking external pleasures and looking for the next fix, barely understanding the Nature of Our Reality. So powerful and yet so stupid not knowing this.

Again, I ask is this intention? Did we know this before we incarnated? Was this the plan? Were we challenged to create this reality and see if we could find our way home? Or is this just another Reality we chose from a Screen in the “Incarnation” screening room? There are many versions today of how we got here or why, but all I can say is that I am feeling good about where I am and don’t feel that I should be doing something else.

If I separate from people, does it exclude me from the game plan? If I don’t participate in this Madness, does that make me a Coward? Should I be doing what everyone else is doing? These are questions that I contemplate while working in the garden. This is an exciting time of year when the soil is being prepared for Life. Last year the Strawberries got mad at me for transplanting them in the sunshine. I could feel them, for generations they grew in the shade and I wanted to display them better people walking in front of the house. And even though I could hear them, I chose to keep them there all summer. Guess what? They died. All those that remained in the shade grew and multiplied while those that I moved over for selfish reasons, died.

I’m very tuned into nature. I wrote once how the small garden lizards love me. A few years ago, I saw on sitting the wall and noticed that he was shedding his skin. I came closer and closer, he didn’t move so when I finally got to touch him, I realized his back legs were paralyzed, so I gently lifted him up and placed him in one of the holes they live in. The next day when I entered the garden, all of a sudden, many many lizards came out and I could feel their message: “ You saved our boy, thank you, the Cat got him really good”.  From that time on, they are always around me when I am working there and come up really close and I can see their little eyes staring at me. Oh you should see the joy when I am watering, they start running under the water. Do you get my point? I have become what I came to be, Nature, connected, peaceful and secure in the knowledge that no matter what I “ think” I should be doing, I FEEL that I am where I should be. Then I feel guilt. “Shouldn’t I be out there helping others and teaching others? Isn’t this selfish to just enjoy this reality by myself?” Honestly, I do contemplate those things because even though I am a Soul occupying this Human Body, this body is operated by a Brain and it often conflicts with my true nature. Remember, the brain is part of this vehicle; it’s the computer that manages the body functions. Once we enter this body, we sit behind the wheel and the brain takes over. So, the struggle is always about the “logical mind” versus the “ true nature of self, the thinking versus the being. It goes on all day, especially when I am outdoors.

We need to learn to shut off when it’s necessary. I’m fortunate to have the life that I have and I’m not talking about financials or material wealth. I’m talking about living on a tiny island in the center of the Adriatic Sea, surrounded by raw and untouched nature, clean air and water, birds singing and the smell of Ocean in the air. These are the “abundance” that I appreciate, my quality of life. Money comes and goes, we spend it and make more. We need it to survive in this reality, but it doesn’t give us the inner peace. There are more wealthy people today than ever before, but does that make them happy? No, it makes them deranged and lost in their own Ego’s, always wanting more, living in extremes and constantly worrying about getting more. It was never my desire to have a lot of money, rather, it was always my desire and wish to live a simple life connected to Nature.

It will get much worse before we see any changes. Like any natural disaster, humans come together, so far in communities or regions. In order for humanity to come together a whole, there has to be something far worse and ominous in order for us to finally learn what we came to learn. It is like the night before Babylon collapsed or before Emperor Neron burned down Rome or the mass shooter walking into a crowded night club shooting everything in front of him. We have yet to reach that point but I feel it will be a natural disaster that will turn us around. Man has done everything there is to do, there are no wicked or evil things that man can do, we have done it all. Now nature will teach us that great lesson and when you wake up the next day and have no water or electricity, only then will we appreciate what we had and regret doing the things we did to mother Gaia.

But don’t worry; it’s all part of what we came to do. There are no accident, no coincidences, we created this reality, I haven’t yet figured out why or how, but I know that we are the Masters of this Reality and as crazy as it may sound, who else are you going to blame? If you say: “They did this”. I can respond by saying: “Why did you let them do this, you’re far too intelligent to let it happen”.

We are a unique race, living in a unique reality, who knows; maybe this was the first of its kind? Maybe it’s just an experiment to see how long humans can last?

I leave you with something to contemplate on. Have you told someone you loved them today? Have you done a kindness today? Do you go to bed with a final thought of “gratitude”? That’s all we have, being kind, letting those we love know we love, and thanking for all that we are and all that we will be. I do it every night and when I wake up, I think: “What day is it?”. No thoughts, no worries, no nothing, just living and being.


It’s been 7 months since my partner passed away, but it feels like a few weeks. He’s here, always with me, guiding, giving advice and sometimes even arguing with me. I wish he did that when he was in his body. He’s my Soul Mate, totally different than the human he was here and I feel so safe and secure knowing this. I like this part of him, but then we all played different roles just as he did too.

Hours after he passed, he told me: “I didn’t go to the light, I thought: “ I want to go home, and in a split moment, it became beautiful here”. I asked him what it’s like and he said he’s everything and everywhere. A thought takes him into being that thought, it takes time to adjust but he said it’s familiar. They go through a Soul Restoration process before moving forward. I will share more in the future about our conversations.

There is beauty in everything, keep on trucking and remember: You are a powerful Being, a being of Light, you are immortal, eternal and a Creator. You are ALL that IS.

Just a RanT

I have been really slow in approving all the comments that wait for approval. Just so that you know for those of you that are new, your first comment needs approval, after that, it posts automatically. I don’t feel that I need to control every comment because it doesn’t make this a free thinking blog then. So far I have been lucky that in 5 years of keeping this blog I have only had 2 trolls or bad comments. I guess it’s because even the typing has energy.

Can you accept that everything is energy? Everything is energy/vibration/sound so even me typing this post right now is energy and  I believe that the not so happy readers don’t stay on this blog too long because they don’t feel comfortable with happy and joyous energy. Just my thoughts on that.

But back to approving your comments. It’s a one time thing and I’m finding it very difficult to come back and write on a regular basis. Some may ask  me why? I receive a lot of emails if I don’t post something in a few weeks. Some readers are almost petrified that I won’t be writing because they enjoy what I have to say and so at times I feel obligated that I need to write something.

After my partners death, it was much easier as I had an excuse, but as time went by, life changed drastically. For years I was living a schedule and so I gave up doing a lot of things because I can’t take my Camera and go into nature knowing I have one hour to photograph. Now, I can get on my Scooter, grab my gear and just ride until I find something to photograph. I don’t need to look at my watch knowing I have to come home to take care of my partner and the household, it’s amazing to feel so free. So, the blog was part of that escape at night when I could not go out anywhere but couldn’t leave the house because there was a time when my partner needed 24 hr care. The blog became my Journey, sharing my thoughts and experiences, I could sit at my computer all night if I wanted to and share.

This is a Scorpion about 1 cm in length, my first Macro shot. 

Now, I can sleep as long as I want and be outside as long as I want, so the blog kind of fell by the wayside. But, it’s important to me because you dear readers give me acknowledgement and I think that every writer seeks that.

Look, things are getting really crazy, it’s January and trees started growing new leaves in November, some are fruiting but also dying because it’s too cold. Nature is confused, and if nature is confused, then what is humanity?

Maybe nature isn’t confused. Maybe it’s just adjusting it’s biorhythms? Can Nature be confused? Isn’t Nature our guide? What do you think? I feel Nature’s confusion as I walk through it. I live in the middle of Nature, from my Sun-room I am surrounded by nature and as I sit there observing, I feel confusion. After all, why would an Almond tree blossom in November instead of March? Or does the Almond tree already know it has to change it’s cycle? If we are use Nature as a guide, then perhaps we should take heed that Winter is turning into Spring and Vice Verse; it means that we should adapt to Nature. How can nature be confused? Can the frequencies that are being emitted by those Cell Towers and all the other technology damage nature and thus it’s confused? These are questions I think about while I am out there walking because everything is different and I can’t figure out if it’s because Nature is confused or is Damaged. Whatever the answer may be, neither one is a good one. Confused or damaged doesn’t lead to anything good.

I met a new kitten today, a Feral cat that my girlfriend was feeding and while all the cats ran off, he came up to me and so he’s being delivered in the next few days as I was on my Scooter today and could not bring him home with me. He’s that Felix Cat on Purina Felix pouch foods but has a beautiful energy. This is what I got for thinking about using a Feral cat to test my negative manifesting!

The Dark Side of Manifesting

Interesting subject isn’t it? You may ask, has Ines gone to the dark side? I’ve been gone, but only from the blog. I needed time out, many changes after my partner passed away and I wanted to share something with you, something that I feel is so important.
My partner and I worked out the financial part and Estate 7 months before he passed away. He has 2 children from previous marriage and they never accepted me as part of their dad’s life. They acted like teenagers, you know: ” Daddy left mummy for a younger woman and we don’t like daddy because mommy told us he didn’t love us anymore, and SHE did something to him to make him leave us”. That was the attitude they had and I wasn’t bothered by that but the reason we did the Estate is because even Toni knew his kids would come after me. He passed on July 18th and within hours they were calling to find out if their dad left a Will.
My point to the story is this: After we signed the Agreement, it was a way to protect me from his kids so that they could not take the house away from me and I knew that they would be upset, they expected that Toni would leave them everything and I should be out on the street. So, for months after signing this agreement, I was obsessed with: ” They are going to be really pissed off, I better not tell anyone in case they find out, Paul is going to come after me and he will do whatever it takes to destroy me, etc, etc.”
At the Estate Hearing on Nov. 14th, just as I was going to waive my rights to Ancestral Land that Toni owned, the lawyer butts in and says: ” We appeal, we are suing, and we have filed Criminal charges”. Yes, they accused me of denying him the proper medical care, denying him his prescribed medications, accused me of Quackery and thus causing his death.
I told you Ines, you see, you were right, you knew this was going to happen.
You may ask: ” Ines, how do you know you manifested this and it was just meant to be?” Because I have been manifesting for years now, uncontrolled, but I have been manifesting for 4 months, all I could think of was how they were going to come after me.
Before I continue, the Police Investigation was completed in a few days and all charges were dismissed, but the fact is they did try. I haven’t yet received the Official Paperwork, but I’ve been told to go home and enjoy life.

The power we hold is scary, you need to understand this. I have been writing about this for years, and yet I became a Victim of my own truth and what I preach and what I believe to be true.

It’s impossible to control every thought. We were not designed to exist in this kind of environment where we are living in this Matrix and Illusion, so we are constantly in a Stress Mode from making breakfast, tending to the sick, going to work, raising children, paying taxes, putting up with noisy neighbors, we simply don’t have the time to Meditate or to control our thoughts. Only Monks have that time while they are up in their Temples to Meditate, but then they don’t need to worry about raising kids, driving in traffic or putting up with noisy neighbors. You get my point.
It was in these past few months that I too had the time to think and contemplate, to learn how to monitor my thoughts and watch how and what I think because you know that saying: ” Be careful for what you wish for?” It is fucking true!
We are Creators, we manifest whether we know it or not, are aware of it or not, but we manifest our own reality. I love listening to Abraham Hicks, the information is wise and empowering because whatever that being teaches is what I already know. Thinking about it creates the idea, but focusing and meditating on it, brings forth the energy to manifest it and then you have this ” Good feeling” inside when you think about it. For the last 10 years, I have manifested everything I want and need. I live in abundance even when I didn’t have funds to pay the bills today, I felt rich and knew the money would arrive, it always does. I never think: ” My wallet is empty or I don’t have money”. I always think:” I have abundance and the Universe knows when I am ready for it”.
So, my thoughts led me to something dark. Is it possible that I manifested Toni’s death? When he was diagnosed with PAH in 2014, the automatic protocol along with other drugs were Diuretics. He was collecting fluids around the heart, the heart enlarges because it’s not getting enough oxygen from the Lungs and so the only way they knew was to give him Diuretics. It never solved the problem, but they kept increasing his dosages to the point where he was skin and bones. Even with him taking 2L of water everyday, it never stayed inside long enough, so this caused his blood to clot abnormally and for years I would tell Toni: ” These diuretics are going to kill you”. I believe they were the cause of his death as he came home from his checkup a week before he died. They found a clot behind his knee, but figured it was just one little clot and sent him home with Clexane injections to break it down. The Coroner said it was possible that the clot didn’t break down and travelled.
For years I have been thinking: ” These fucking diuretics are going to kill him”.
No, don’t get me wrong. I am not blaming myself for his death. Those of you that have been reading this blog for years know that I gave it everything I had to care for him lovingly, but it makes you wonder. Whether it’s knowing or unknowing, can we manifest such things? Can we manifest harm to someone else? I don’t have those answers. I know that I can manifest for me, but I’m not sure that I can’t manifest to others.
I know that we are powerful, I know that we are Creators, but most people will find excuses when life doesn’t go the way they want. The reality is that we did manifest the good and the bad, just by thinking it that way. When we constantly repeat in our minds: ” I have no money, I can’t pay the bills, how am I going to survive tomorrow, I wish I can find a job, I need to borrow some money”, the Universe just gives us more of what we are thinking about. I call that Poverty Consciousness. So, when we come sad because we didn’t get that job that we wanted; did you think about what you were thinking on your way there or the days before the Interview? How about this: ” I hope I get the job, I hope I can dress and impress, I need this job, what happens if I don’t get this job?” These are the common thoughts we think on our way to accomplish something. The self doubt, the worries, the insecurities all giving instructions to manifest what we are thinking.
Do be careful for what you want. I’m not talking about wishing or hoping for something. Those are passive thoughts and they don’t create anything. But if you focus on something and make it the center of your attention, that you want it so bad and believe that you will get it, you will get it when you are ready for it. Take it from me, I have been manifesting good and bad, but now I am learning to really be careful for what I want or think because I do believe that we influence other lives with our thoughts. I do believe that.
We are in the Terminal Madness, I have the luxury of listening to Fox News, RT News and Press TV all day long and the world is divided, we are on the cusp of a rebellion or revolution. Humanity knows that something is not right, and it knows that things have to change, but they haven’t yet figured out who they are. It all comes down to being aware of the power we hold and the power we are. We are so powerful it is frightening at times, intimidating and often I want to disbelieve this because our thoughts are constantly passing by, we are like a factory track of products moving along the line to be packaged.
You may ask how do I change this? It’s easy and it’s not easy. Like everything else we want to learn, we have to practise and dedicate some time for it. Instead of meditating which is usually about stopping your thoughts, focus on your thoughts, just observe them, follow the pattern of your thoughts and then start catching them: ” This wasn’t conducive to my existence, or this one doesn’t benefit me etc. You can have an empty mind, but what then? Why would anyone want an empty mind? We can’t manifest anything when we shut down the mind, we want to alter it’s reason for thinking. Think only thoughts that are: Positive, that are productive, that solve problems, that are proactive, thoughts of what you want, how to get what you want, basically, you are God and you get to Create whatever it is that you want. Having an empty mind is having an empty life. I want to live life in joy and have abundance. Isn’t that what everyone wants? No, I don’t want a good job and I don’t want to drive a nice car. I want joy and abundance.
You know, we have a H1N1 flu epidemic, I guess because we are a smoking society, this Virus affects the Lungs and many people even young people succumb to bed for at least 10 days to 2 weeks. It’s a nasty flu, and been around for a few years. Everyone is afraid to go out, the Pharmacist is wearing a mask. I decided that I don’t want that Virus and I have made it my #1 enemy. I have never had the Flu,   I do not want you in my body, please leave, you are not welcome”, So, my point is this: People are terrified and I smile, I don’t get the flu because I don’t want them critters in my body. Believing this will keep you safe, but the moment a self doubt enters your mind, you’re finished. There cannot be any self doubt, there has to be this knowing about what you believe. Like you are already living it, you see yourself that way. I know I’m rambling but I had a lot to say.
There is a dark side to Manifesting, I’m trying to figure that out now and see but I need to focus on something and make it turn bad, that’s the part I can’t decide. I thought about a feral cat outside and focusing my thoughts on it, but I can’t wish harm to anything, so this is going to be tough to experiment with and I believe it is without intent that we do this. We see it all the time, yelling at a child: ” Don’t walk there, you will fall, don’t touch that it will bite you”. Why do people fear dogs yet were never bitten by them? Because their parents probably scared the shit out of them as children and they cling to that belief. Thing is, they do get bitten as adults. Did the parents manifest or did they manifest by believing the dog will bite them?
Something to think about.


Note from Ines: One of my readers sent me an email with this link I wrote as you can see 3 years ago. It was interesting to read my own thoughts, I thought I would repost for you readers that didn’t dig into the blog. Thanks Jen! 

This post is solely based upon my own observations in regarding to the behavior in the last year of my readers/visitors, mainly they are responses to the posts by me or another author.

When I first started the original blog (shut down since then) but can find older posts on, the intent or purpose of the blog was to share my journey and experiences into what we would unknown or the “occult”, as it’s meaning is exactly that; based upon my experiences and research over a span of 30 years. As I became a researcher in this area, I began to notice so many false prophets and I felt the need to protect people from following these deception agents, and not to expose them and catch them with their pants down so so to speak. My method has always been asking questions and if they refuse to answer, I do a write about and ask publicly.

It was never about exposing although I did use those words, but deep down it was really a sense of protection, I have always been motivated by a sense of injustice and can’t turn my head when I see it. Perhaps other bloggers can give themselves credit for “exposing” them, but I think that is ego based reasoning and the need to be right, vindicated and recognized as the “villain”.

My true desire was to protect people from those false prophets, gurus, channelers etc., because when we first start our journey into the unknown, we are faced with a multitude of information, different views, opinions and just as many so called experts that present their version of reality and it’s very easy to get caught into a dogma that appeals to us. It’s how we attract in the beginning because we don’t know how to discern. It’s like driving through a dark tunnel, you’re in control of the wheel, the car and feel confident you will drive through but you have no idea how long that tunnel is.

The first part of my journey was delving into the religious aspects, all religions. After my NDE; I questioned my catholic upbringing, not that I was actively participating in it but I did baptize my children according to “tradition”, as my mother said and when I spoke to catholic elders about my NDE, they all told me it was some form of devil temptation, although what this thing tempted me with, I don’t know but I didn’t buy that, it didn’t make sense to have such an incredible experience and give the devil credit for it.

So, I began studying various bibles from different religions. There was a time when I had 9 or 10 bibles spread out on my living room floor comparing each sentence that interested me. In essence I was looking for the true god because the one I was taught to believe in was mean as hell towards me and I needed to know why.

In the state of cancering, by accident (no such thing), I came across a second-hand bookstore and instinctively reached for a book on Nichiren Daishonin buddhism and I liked it. General/traditional Buddha worship was as complex as studying the bible and so when I came across this ‘ideology’ , it made sense to me. I instantly bonded with the book and its philosophy of clearing our karma in this current lifetime and NOT in all lifetimes in the past. Nichiren said there is no such thing as the past, everything is in the now in different realities. Go figure. Taking responsibility for my own actions probably saved my life from cancer because instead of blaming, I realized I had in many ways created that reality. I was an eager student, joined the organization SGI that had no elders or hierarchy and our meetings were about chanting Daimoku, chanting NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO.  This chanting would clear our karma from this lifetime and we would replace it with abundance.

It was the only requirement of us, to work on karma, to help others and to respect every living organism as it too chose this incarnation to learn something. I was involved in this right to the time I moved back to Croatia and unfortunately, there was nobody here at the time I could continue to grow with.

My point to this story was about being a newbie, starting a journey and we usually stop at something along the way that fits into our current reality or belief system. We stay with it until something new comes along or we outgrow the current ideology or the subject we put our faith into.

For 15 years, I was perfectly happy living this philosophy, I have to admit that my life changed in such a way that I no longer attracted negativity in my life or negative people, there were no obstacles preventing me from achieving my goals, life just seemed to level out compared to the extremes of ebb and flows only in hurricane like strength.

At the same time, I was involved in the new age movement. My first 2 books were “Kryon” by Lee Carrol and “Bringers of The Dawn”, by Barbara Marciniak. The new age bookstore or Esoteric bookstore it was called in those days was my favorite place to hang out, as we did not yet have internet in Vancouver until 1991. I was hungry for truth, I needed to know who I was and why I was here.

Buddhism and new age philosophy didn’t really meld well and I soon found myself in between two worlds, yet I had not yet found the answers and that was who I was and WHY I was here. Buddhism teaches you that life and death are continual cycles, but it doesn’t define purpose other than clearing our karma and going upwards somewhere.

Uncovering, exposing false prophets got old, I had evolved from this idea  and realized that they too had a role to act out in this production called 3D Earth. It wasn’t their deception, it was the possibility they could cause harm to others.

Now, the point to this post is about where are today. As I have learned through my journey and full accepted that I create my own reality, I now take responsibility for everything that happens in my life and that I am free to do and live, create according to my desires so long as I don’t hurt anyone with my actions.

I notice that when I write or post articles about this subject, I get NO comments. Articles about false prophets, gurus, deception, the matrix, well just about every subject will generate comments/participation, but the moment I post how powerful you are and how you create your own reality, I can hear a pin drop.

Even 20 years ago, we considered ourselves an arrogant race because we then believed that we were the only creation of god in the Universe. At that time, we only had one Universe. Much has changed since then and although we may no longer be arrogant and have slowly accepted the possibility of alien races, aliens that are good or bad; we are still in denial and this has been my observation.

We love to debate, we love to argue, we love to expose the bad guys and by nature we are curious; but when someone tells you that you are powerful and that you created your current reality, you seem to run and hide. This is no small blog anymore. I get over 5000 visitors each day from all parts of the world.

What part are you running from or denying? Are you in denial about your powerful nature, your responsibility in this current reality or both?

I don’t think you are disagreeing with me because those that do participate through comments or writing emails in fact love to debate with me and share their thoughts and opinions. I receive at least 25 to 30 emails each day.

Those of you that have been with me from the start (about 150) know that I am not set into a certain belief system and that I never debate your views rather respect them and often thank you for your input because YOU have contributed to my growth as well!

I know if you didn’t agree with me or perhaps have another view to share,  that you would do that your silence is actually telling me one or all of the reasons below:

  1. You don’t agree but don’t want to comment
  2. You agree but not yet ready to take responsibility
  3. Until you have proof, you’re not prepared to consider this possibility
  4. You don’t agree, you’re a victim in this reality and it’s not your fault that you have a crappy life. You simply don’t believe that we would choose to create suffering and wars.

Which is it? If you answer NO to all of the above then:
1. You are in denial of your true self
2. You do not yet know your true self
3. You are skipping lessons and need to go back and work them out, this stage is too advanced for you

Every single cult, organization, group, person/expert out there that is telling you what is happening or what is about to happen to HUMANITY is merely expressing their own reality.

For a few years I judged these people based on true or false, right or wrong but now I see them as people creating their own reality and pushing it out to others to accept as their belief system.

ANY person that is teaching, channeling or sharing a philosophy or prediction of possibilities concerning the human race in general is merely projecting their reality on to you.

Take a look at the past 10 years. Has any ONE of these folks, EVER been correct about something?

No, they have not. And when things don’t happen as they claim, they simply blame humans saying that humans can change the outcome. Bullshit. Their version of reality is theirs alone. They have a specific role to play in this production and it may be their current reality but it is not and never was YOURS.
You create your own reality. Ascension/integration or becoming a higher vibrational being is not a mass/group event. It is an individual event. If we come here to learn, we are rewarded for our hard work. Why should some ignorant couch potato watching Kim Kardashian swing her fat ass, who may be a good person get to graduate with me if he/she has not done the work?

So, you may ask: Who do I trust then? You don’t trust anyone. You can read and listen to what others have to say but as an example: George Kavassilas and Cameron Day, will both tell you that their information is solely based upon their own personal experiences and they teach empowerment. They simply share their experiences and both also claim that we each create our own reality.

People to trust are those that are sharing and teaching you how to access the inner knowledge and power. People that teach you how to raise your vibration, how to access your higher self, how to have lucid dreams, expand and regain your memory back are the ones that you will learn from.
People that teach personal power, personal responsibility, are the ones that are true teachers and more than likely were “given” these roles rather than choosing them to help humanity remember who you are.

I didn’t have spiritual teachers, we are; you may call it Pioneers of bringing occultism into our society, raising questions about our true history. We learned through trial and error, we got caught up in cult leaders and entities such as Kryon, Ramtha, and Seth; but they taught us many things as well, it was part of the process we had to go through. A tree doesn’t flower until it grows buds. An apple doesn’t form without flowering and being pollinated first. Any individual our there sharing/teaching information about the human race, about OUR current reality and about OUR possible future is simply projecting their own reality.

I have written a lot about my astral travel and lucid dreams. It’s taken me another 10 years to figure out that my dreams are actually part of my Soul having multiple experiences. I can recount about 7 or 8 different realities I exist in, but I have no idea what dimension/space/time/level/density/world this is happening in so most of these people that channel or get messages really don’t know whose reality it really IS and anyone that is acting as a messenger for a god or gods is compromised. In other words, they are interfering with our free will and they do not have a good role to play in this production. They are actually instigators to piss us off, fool us, deceive us so that we can get mad and wake up! You cannot go anywhere because this reality is an illusion we created to play out, travel or movement is ridiculous.

Think about it. If you are here to create your own reality in order to experience that is IS, you don’t need anyone telling you what to do or what to believe in. You are creator gods, you are a divine spark of source and you can run but you can’t hide.

Supreme rule coming directly from Source is: Do not interfere with free will. It’s like waking up someone from a deep coma or throwing a cold bucket of water on a person sleeping, it literally changes their reality even if they do not want to believe what is told to them, it changes their perception. This is the supreme law and the only law from Source.

Don’t deny your powerful self. That feeling of “knowing” who you are instantly changes your life because you stop thinking and doing things that impede your growth in the physical and spiritual reality. Ok, you created a shitty reality, fine, you figured it out and now you have the power to change that. Don’t get down on yourself because you thought you were doing the right thing, this is all part of the lessons we came to learn.

Your silence is telling me that you are far from graduation and that you should maybe take a few steps back because the prerequisite to graduation is “to know thyself”.

Our purpose here is to make this world a better one, if you are not contributing to that purpose it’s because you still see yourself as a human physical being. It is here that we learn responsibility because we can’t occupy a light body, create through thought if we have not learned responsibility for our thoughts and actions.

Here is an example:  You are now a higher dimensional body, occupying a crystalline physical form and in front of you is standing someone you know also in a higher dimensional body form and you don’t like them very much. You may think: ” I hate this person and hope he gets struck by lightning”. Next moment you see him being struck by lightning and he falls to the ground. Good thing you didn’t think “I hate this person and hope lightning kills him”. Do you get my drift?

We cannot graduate in this state because we can’t take responsibility for our thoughts and actions so you can run from this but until you work on it, you will not graduate.

I’m not ready to graduate either, I still have a lot of work to do and one of my challenges is intolerance toward people that are closed minded or live in a strict unwavering belief system. Even though I know that may be part of the lesson they came to learn, I still believe that I can help them learn faster! So this is just one of the lessons I am learning, tolerance. It is joyful work, it is rewarding and fulfilling because it is the purpose I am here and when you have purpose, you know you are on the right track. Yes, there is a reward otherwise we would have no incentive to grow. What is the incentive?

The incentive is becoming a fully conscious multidimensional being. It means we are no longer restricted in our senses/space/time/understanding of who we are. It is a birds eye view of all that is and continuing our soul existence with an experience of actually living in a physical reality and never having to wonder what it is like.

Doesn’t that sound divine? Isn’t this something you want to strive for? How do you get there? Easy. Live your life with the purpose of making this place a better one. That’s it. Everything else is the stage/props we created to make that happen.

The Nature of Dreaming and Reality as a Soul

The last few days I have been listening to the Audio Book of Seth and The Nature of Reality. Of course, I may catch a few sentences here and there as I am doing other things, but I spent the biggest part of the day yesterday listening as it was raining outside and I wasn’t feeling that great.
As you may have already read in my writings, I leave my body at night or what I call dream time. For many years I thought they were dreams, reflections of our current conscious state. Some people interpret dreams which may or may not reflect our conscious state if you believe you’re SOUL and therefore, that dream state is merely a reflection of all your different realities that you are experiencing as a Soul. What convinced me was an event during sleep where someone in that reality who I also know here in this reality told me to hurry up and go to the bathroom and come back. I woke up, running to the bathroom thinking ” hurry  up so you can get back there”. It was after a few of these events that I started to chart the different realities upon falling asleep and up to now have been able to remember 9 different realities that I exist in.
Well, I caught an audio portion where Seth speaks about these realities and that we can enter them consciously through Intent. In other words, before falling asleep we make our intent known what we want to do after falling asleep, so last night, while I was getting comfortable into bed and my cat Nero trying to find a spot close to me, I thought: ” Tonight I want to experience other realities and remember them when I wake up”.
It was intense. I remember being aware of this fast moving reality where my partner is in it, he’s in a bed, he’s not himself, like he’s got dementia and he’s thrashing around like a mad man and I keep clashing with my conscious mind thinking: ” Hey, you’re supposed to be dead, why are you here disturbing my life again”. These realities shifted fast from him to a woman running around with spider like arms and legs, to a cousin I know bringing me ashes of a friend and me rejecting them, to watching a guy walk over a rubber lake, he kept jumping up and down and I was laughing. He threw his fish hook and it just bounced on the rubbery lake, then a scene I see this guy with another man in a robe swimming in the broken rubber surface he’s trying to save this guy from drowning. It was one scene after another, odd, crazy, absurd in this reality but in those I didn’t react with fear or negativity, I simply watched in amazement as to what was in front of me. There were numerous other events/realities that passed by so fast and I can’t remember them.
When I woke up, my first thoughts were ” Oh my god, it was not real, he really is dead”. The visions went through me fast as I tried to remember them, sitting on the potty reviewing everything I just experienced and felt so confident that I would remember all of this in the morning. Well, it’s now 9:00 am and I remember only what I have written here, I know there was much more, many realities that flew by in a time frame I can’t even begin to fathom because we base everything on time here, but in reality, there is no time, everything exists in the same moment, just as I experienced myself in different realities all happening in the same moment.
Jane Roberts and her books on Seth are true. I have been reading them off and on for years now, I simply don’t have enough time in the day to do everything let alone read all the books I have waiting to be read, but I can tell you that something changed last night/this morning.  The number 9 has been in my life for a long time. It represented the Dimension that I came from, at one point in this existence as a Soul that number reflected that dimension, now I think it might the realities that I currently experience in real time as a Soul but while awake in this reality and body, I am not conscious of them.
It’s the reality that we exist in right now that is toxic, negative, duality based and we are controlled and programmed so our awareness of who we are are denied or we are severed from Source, or the Veil around the planet prevents us from that awareness. Whatever the reasons are, I am fully aware now of my other existences as SOUL, that this reality in which I am writing this to you is just merely one of them.
To have this knowledge makes me feel very powerful, it confirms everything I have been writing about over the years, the intuitive thoughts and feelings come through much faster and stronger as my belief system changes from a human to an Old Soul. To know that I can consciously with Intent just leave my body during sleep and enter/remember the other realities I am experiencing can sometimes be intimidating, but it’s merely proof that I am not a human with a Soul, rather a SOUL in this body having the human experience.
I wanted to share this with you and get your thoughts on this. The world we live in is not intended for us to externalize our current events, we have been duped into believing this and therefore, we corrupted this reality however it was done. I don’t believe there is a bad guy or bad society or bad Cabal, I believe they are all extensions of our projections and belief systems.
If this is true, then whatever happens in our human future is really a matter of us determining what it will be just as I write about. It confirms to me that our reality as we know it now is based on our projections, that there is no BAD society or BAD Cabal or Bad Controllers, rather that we have created them in order to experience what we are now experiencing here in this reality. If this is the case, then there is no good or bad, truly there is not. There is only projections of our united consciousness creating this reality; however we don’t like it as humans, however difficult it is to feel hunger, pain, destruction, it’s what we came here to experience.
This reality is like the HELL that religions talk about. We have actually created that HELL through our own projections, through maybe a plan gone bad and this is the end result, but we as SOULS have created this experience. If there is no such thing as death, then there is no such thing as hunger or destruction because they are mere experiences we have chosen to experience, to enhance the Consciousness of the Soul just like a victim of sexual abuse can help others to understand what it is like to be abused and help them heal.
I feel so privileged as it takes courage to open/expand your mind to accept that something like this can be true. It’s one thing to write about it, but it’s another to experience this. After I woke up, wide awake as I was, I laid in bed thinking about whether I wanted to go back, it was so fast and so intense, the human conscious part of me wasn’t sure if it wanted to go back and experience perhaps something I didn’t like.
I have never had dream time experiences where I have felt any negative emotions/feelings such as fear or pain. One experience I still vividly remember is me walking over hundreds of snakes. I was careful not to step on one and yet I didn’t feel fear, just awe as to how many were below my feet. There is not a reality in dream time where I feel negative emotions,at least I don’t remember. It seems that this reality here as a human is the only freaky and fucked up reality that I exist in. Very interesting experience, it’s mind boggling to me as a human yet deep down, I as SOUL feels very proud to have explored and allowed myself to travel into the unknown as we know it here in this reality.
To KNOW that I being the ALL THAT IS can actually learn to explore and learn of my different realities is exciting, like an Inventor inventing a new product. I feel like Einstein  though I have no idea how he felt but I can only imagine how excited he was, each time he came up with a new theory or invention.
To KNOW that our life here is merely a ‘blip’ in a continuation of Soul experiences helps me understand and deal with this life in this reality much better. It’s true empowerment from a SOUL level and not an intellectual level as we know it to be. It’s one thing to intellectually come to some kind of conclusion or theory, it’s another to KNOW and Experience the true nature of our reality.
Jane Robert’s Seth is right on, the years I have spent analyzing his work is paying off. It’s simple really, but the most difficult part is ” accepting” the idea/notion that we are SOULS and are in complete control of every single experience we have here and other dimensions. If you can’t accept this as a possibility, then you can’t go to sleep at night with that Intent of wanting that experience. We have to BELIEVE this notion, the conscious mind has to open itself to that possibility before we can actually move forward. I know this to be true because it’s taken me years to get to this point.

The Eye of the Storm – Terminal Madness

I’m back but I’m not. It’s been a wonderful 2 months for me. The toxic energy of death was obvious after my partner passed away. The entire home took on another new revitalizing energy. With vigor, I threw out all the furniture and painted then replaced with new furniture, new colors, new energy. I sold my car and bought myself an Electric Scooter, I bought 2 bikes and tons of things for my recreation.
 For 2 weeks I detoxed, my body simply broke down and went into a healing crisis. Things showed up I never knew existed, but it was all part of the cleansing and healing process.
Even though I haven’t been writing at all, I have been online everyday listening to the Fake and Not So Fake News. Watching the Kavannaugh/Ford debacle was sad and I have a lot to say about that so this post will be a long one mixed with many subjects.
It’s a shame that with all the information and disinformation that a few very important issues were not brought up by ANYONE regarding Dr. Ford.
First, let me say that Politics doesn’t interest me in terms of discussing or writing about, unfortunately, I am forced to listen or watch during the News Hour; even though the Ford/Kavannaugh saga was all about politics, but a lot of the Media and those that took Dr. Ford’s side didn’t bring up the following issues, issues I think were just as relevant.
First let me start by saying that I am sharing my opinions with you and that doesn’t mean I’m right, but so far, I have not been wrong on anyone I have analyzed because of my uncanny ability to FEEL, even if it’s through the monitor, I can jump the time line effect and feel them. Remember, there is no such thing as past and future, all events happen in the moment.
Dr. Ford was never sexually abused. The experts who read and analyze body language, including myself will tell you that her body language was pure lies and acting a role of a feeble, weak, traumatized woman. She could never answer any questions without referring to her notes, which is enough proof that her role was practiced and memorized.
But, lets for a moment assume that Dr. Ford had experienced some form of trauma. As a Psychologist with a PhD; you would think that she would have healed herself after 35 years from the time of the event. How can a PhD Psychologist be a credible expert in working with clients/patients while she herself supposedly is ” still and currently” traumatized by an event that happened over 35 years ago? And if it’s not possible to heal someone with past trauma, why in hell do we spend years in University studying human behavior and getting a degree that can’t heal someone from a trauma and according to Dr. Ford, it wasn’t even sexual trauma. In other words, it wasn’t rape. It was someone putting a hand over your mouth and you thinking he would ” accidentally” kill you.
In her testimony before the Senate, she states:” He put his hand on my mouth and I was so afraid he might ACCIDENTALLY kill me”. Go back and listen to her testimony, yet NOBODY ever mentioned this very highly important message. How did she know he might accidentally kill her? This was a message to Kavannaugh. ” I’m sorry, you’re really a nice guy and would never hurt anyone, but you can’t win the nomination”.
The women defending Dr. Ford are not thinking about their partners, husbands, sons, brothers or any close males in their lives that could potentially be destroyed by a single accusation that can go back for years or decades. In fact, I hope that every woman that blindly defended Dr. Ford experiences everything B. Kavannaugh’s family just did.
Truth is, we don’t know the truth. We don’t know if Dr. Ford was traumatized, but the truth is that most of us did crazy things in high-school and college. Almost everyone, even the geeks did silly things during our teenage/puberty years. It was normal then, but today, no. Having a beer makes you  a serial rapist. Truth is that what was accepted as normal behavior 20 years ago, is not accepted today yet we demonize the past according to our current moral and social standards.
We don’t accept Slavery today, but why do we need to remove any Statues that were defined within different social and moral values? It was accepted then, it was a different age, a different mind set, a different culture. We can’t go back and erase it just because we don’t agree with it today. How stupid is that?
This ME TOO movement is nothing but an agenda to Emancipate men. As if women don’t have enough power today, we can now just accuse some male for assaulting us and ruin their lives without any proof because we are women and we should be believed. Really? Do you women actually realize how much power you have today? That you can manipulate your partner/husband and threaten them with calling the police if you don’t get your way? To say that women are not equals is true. We are extremely powerful and this power given to us is now causing more harm than good in society, well, in US Society. We don’t have those issues here in Europe. Although women consider themselves modern women, we still stand by our men and give them the ” male” power they deserve and as given to them biologically.
What is going on is the Terminal Madness I have been writing about for the last 3 years. Do a search on the blog and see for yourself if you didn’t start your journey with me together. There is plenty of information on Terminal Madness so, right now, we are in the ” eye of the storm” of this Terminal Madness.
This is not and never was about Politics. What political party or politician anywhere in the world works for the people? Politics, like religion both work towards stripping humanity of their dignity. Neither one allow humanity to think for itself.
If it’s not about Politics, what is it about then you may ask? I will answer the same way as I have since the inception of this blog.
We all chose to be here, in this reality, in many numerous lives/reincarnations to save this planet from imploding. To raise the vibrational reality, to take back control. In order to do this, we had to create the madness.
As I have written on numerous occasions, when we have the basics for life, we’re not motivated to change our circumstances. The Controllers of this reality are working very hard to keep us dumbed down, in the dark and keep us busy surviving. We can’t possibly fight the system so long as our lives are endurable, so we all; whether consciously or not, knowingly or not, create this madness in order to motivate us to fight. We’re not there yet, but this Terminal Madness is what we chose to experience, it’s all part of the plan as difficult as it is for us to accept this notion that we have created this and that includes the Politicians, the Deep State, Religion, every aspect of humanity is involved. There is no good or bad. There is only the ” experience” of freeing humanity from this Prison Planet.
Whatever you are doing now, is what you should be doing. Each one of us have a role to play, however insignificant you feel it is, it is what you came to do. Each one of us individually is but a drop of water, while together we create oceans, rivers, lakes and other forms of water bodies. There is no Ocean without the drops of water. It’s the drops mixed together that create the ocean and give it power to move, so as individuals joined together, we create the reality.
Dr. Ford was not traumatized, she chose to play that role because it’s not in the Interest of the Controllers that any Country experiences true Democracy – Demos – The People. Democracy is just another program such as Religion or other organizations that promote something for the betterment of humanity. As if we are stupid and ignorant and don’t know how to live our lives.
If you don’t believe me about Dr. Ford, do your research. Her entire past was scrubbed clean with more than likely ” Bleach Bit” before she set out to accuse the good man Kavannaugh.
If she was traumatized by someone, what the fuck is she doing, working as a Psychologist if she can’t heal 35 years of repressed or suppressed trauma after the so called event?
That insults me as a Psychologist, as someone who has lived through hell years of sexual abuse and trauma and to say that I’m still a victim and still traumatized?
The man that raped me at the time was 24 years old. I was 12 years old, but a very mature 12 year old who had a crush on an employee of my father’s business. It’s true that I wanted his attention, it’s true that I agreed to meet at my home with him when my parents were not home. It’s also true that I didn’t even think about sex, as a 12 year old, I just thought he might kiss me, that we would sit together, hold hands. You know the dreams we all have as young girl. Who thinks about having Sex at 12 in our current society? But it went beyond a kiss and I didn’t fight back, although it hurt a lot, I thought that must mean that he loves me. It’s the way my dysfunctional mind worked at the time, but that doesn’t make him innocent. He knew well what he was doing at 24.
Many years ago, I made a conscious choice. Also, it was the reason I studied Psychology, I was intrigued by my childhood and why people hurt the people they claim they love. But I made a conscious choice to keep it private from my children and people close to me years on later when the memories came back during an very stressful period in my life and I had experienced a complete nervous/mental breakdown. These memories resurfaced when I was 29 years old, 17 years later. In other words, I had no desire to report this man, my only focus was finishing my degree and getting better.
I always had a choice to come forward but I chose not to at the time for many reasons that I thought would serve me better. By this time I was also a single mother and many decisions had to be made based on what was best for me and my family. I did tell my mother when I turned 30, when I was well enough to talk to her about it, but she didn’t believe me and I thought: ” If my mother doesn’t believe, nobody else will either”.
Here are some reasons or logic to my decision:
1. 17 years had passed, this man married and had a family of his own. He made mistakes but we are all entitled to a 2nd chance, people change. Youth and the way we are raised all play a role in how men grow up.
2. I had a crush on him, he worked for my father, at the time I felt responsible for inviting him into my home when my parents were not present
3. Both of us acted irresponsibly, him more so than I as he was an adult and the act itself was Rape even though I didn’t say NO
4. 17 years later without any proof, it would be my word against him, my mother didn’t believe me
5. People change, they deserve another chance. Had I heard that he did it to someone else, I most likely would have spoken out
6. The outcome needed to be healing not revenge. I wanted to heal, to move forward, to forgive myself, to forgive him
7. Even if I was to come forward after so many years, it wouldn’t change anything in my life and would destroy his even if he was found not guilty.
I didn’t want revenge. I wanted to be a Good Psychologist, I wanted to heal and to use my experiences as an abused child to help others. My attitude at the time was that I needed to be well, so that I could raise my children. Revenge was the last thing on my mind. It was more important for me to heal and move forward, to forgive and I did that.
What would I accomplish now, coming forward after almost 50 years?  Is this what the ME TOO movement is about?
Most of the women who came forward had a choice just like me to speak out and report the abuse/allegations right away but most of them chose not to because their JOBS or CAREERS were at stake.
We don’t have to come forward if we choose not to. But if we chose to stay silent, then we should think about the damage we may cause 10, 20, 30 or more years later.
This is not so much about revenge as it is about healing. I’m not talking about Serial Rapists or men who rape using violence. I’m talking about men with power, I’m talking about all the women that came forward decades later that didn’t use the word ” rape” or ” violence” rather used ” inappropriate sexual behavior“.
If Bill Cosby’s women came forward right away, perhaps he wouldn’t have made a career of using women as sex toys, despite over 50 women coming forward, I don’t recall any of them using words such as ” rape” or ” violence”. He wasn’t accused of raping any women, he used his power to intimidate them into having sex with him. He didn’t force them at gunpoint, he threatened their careers and these women chose their Careers over their own dignity.
Weinstein and Cosby are angry. They know just like I do that their women chose their careers and consented to the sex albeit not willingly or desiring it, but they always had a choice.
I don’t have an issue with coming forward, I have an issue coming forward after decades to accuse someone of inappropriate behavior that we consider to be today, yet 30 years ago, we accepted being slapped on the ass, we took it as compliment. Any woman that says otherwise is more than likely a Feminist. It is how it was. Things were different in my youth. Men whistled at me when I walked by. Men did little gestures in a nightclub to get my attention. It was almost a cult in the 70’s to have a one night stand, we didn’t have the violence and rape we have today. So to say that something that was accepted 30 years ago is now not accepted is just crazy.
So, Dr. Ford, supposedly a very good Psychologist with a PhD sat in front of the Committee acting out this terrified and traumatized victim of an event that she could not remember much about but was SURE 100% that her assailant was now Supreme Court Justice Kavannaugh. She’s a fucking Psychologist for Christ’s Sake and she couldn’t help herself; yet she teaches Self Hypnosis? Give me a break, only in America can something like this be believed and accepted as truth.
I don’t mean to pick on Americans, but most of them have to be under the influence of some psychotic substance or some kind of mind control through cell towers or frequencies. I’m not saying everyone is Psychotic either; but guys, do you have any idea how “Dumb” and ” brainwashed”  you sound, believing or even considering that Dr. Ford is the victim here? You’re all victims of some mind control, it’s like you’re in a different reality.
Perhaps, I’m in a different reality. I often feel that way. I feel that I am no longer part of this insane madness. My world is not this world. Nothing in this reality makes any sense whatsoever.
Oh my beautiful human race, have you no idea how powerful you are and how they fear you? Stand up and take control. For starters, get rid of your cellphones, they are your mind control mechanisms, they are using the phones to zap you with frequencies to make you angry, violent and aggressive. I am sad for you, I feel like an entire nation is dying off and is about to self destruct. Could this be a replay of Atlantis again? Remember, you always have a choice. You are here to do the work, you and I created this reality, don’t blame anyone else.
As I write often, this has to happen. Didn’t I tell you that it would get worse? Oh boy, we’re not even half way there and I”m still feeling what I wrote 2 years ago. I fear that the US will be attacked by a foreign entity/nation. What Trump is now doing is taking humanity to the brink. There is nothing wrong with America first, but there is everything wrong with ” nobody else can be first”. We are treading in dangerous waters but hey, we all chose this movie to play and act out. It will be interesting what the screenplay says for next year.
No no, no Ascension, no Lords, no Saviors, no Aliens or Blue Avians. Simon Parkes just thanked his followers for donations because he was sick and actually said how great it was to eat ” Organic chocolate”. Can you imagine that? Not only does he live on donations from his cult followers, but he gets to enjoy ” Organic Chocolate”. What a fucking loser and what fucking idiots to believe anything this guy has to say. No, there is no KNOWN future to predict. We do that as we go along. I wrote and have been writing from day one of this blog that there is no Savior, that we are our own Saviors. The Simon Parkes and all the other GURU’s have come and gone, still keep spewing shit to the dumbed down followers because their egos are so big they actually think they are special and that a Savior will come and save us all.
No, no my dear readers. YOU are the Light. YOU SOUL have chosen this reality, YOU old Soul are more powerful than you know.
We keep seeking truth externally. The truth lies within this body, at the core of SELF is SOUL. The SOUL knows why it’s here in this body, the entire play is written, but we have been programmed to look outwardly, therefore, the end result is now this Terminal Madness. As always, I will continue to share, it may not be often and my topics will now vary, whatever it is that I am feeling for the day.
Be strong, be faithful to yourself, seek truth internally, the external world is merely a projection of your thoughts. And if you choose to give up your cellphones, read up on some Seth Speaks. Seth quite eloquently describes humans and how our reality is created. I like to listen on YT so I’m not stuck sitting down.
Much love!