I can’t feel what I want to feel?

While doing some research, I had Press TV in the background and I heard this woman say: “Trump is a racist and we wan’t him impeached”. How is Trump a racist? What has he done to be one? Does this mean we are now forced to like someone? Is racism now being shoved down our dead brains?

I don’t think you’re a racist if you don’t like Chinese people. While in Canada, I had an issue with East Indians. I had a big issue with them. Not all of them. Most of them. They come to the country and DO NOT adapt. The women walked around in their saris, the men were allowed to wear swords in their belts and I got pulled over by an RCMP officer that wore a turban. Does that make me a racist because I don’t like these people? I have nothing against them, I just don’t like or approve of what they do. I think that if you’re coming to a new country, you should be given a book of rules and culture handbook and told that if you want to live in the country there are certain rules and customs you have to abide by.

I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your home. But I am bothered by migrants and immigrants alike now demanding their culture and religion is allowed. We can’t mix, it’s impossible.

Imagine being at a dance. There is a mix of races. What music is the DJ going to play? Is he going to play Indian music? Is he going to  play Swahili music? Is he going to play techno? Every single different person in that room will want to play his music that he/she is familiar with. First we got separated because individuality and a world with different cultures was cool. Then the invasions came and disintegrated those individual cultures and beliefs into hatred for each other. Now our countries are invaded by different cultures and races and we’re supposed to all get along?
No, it’s not possible to integrate cultures that go back centuries. It’s not racist to not like someone a different culture or race. I have the choice to like what I do and don’t like.

Racism is now the Ace card being played against us. It’s used to pitch us against each other, to create chaos and civil wars. It’s used to help remove 2/3 of the useless feeders of this planet so why not get humans to kill themselves off?

There is no such thing as racism in the sense that liking or not liking someone determines whether you’re a racist or not. Racism is violence against someone  of a different skin color or culture. I reserve the right to like or not like someone. That doesn’t make me a racist, it makes me free to choose what I like and don’t like. I don’t have to like what others like. I don’t have to like Indians because I’m told I have to.. No I don’t. That doesn’t make me a racist, it simply makes me brave and courageous to speak up about how I feel.

I have no problem with humanity. I only have a problem with people that cause harm to others. It’s  the immigration policy that needs to be fixed. Like my parents that immigrated from Croatia to Canada in the late 50’s. My parents had to go to school to learn the language. They had to pass culture tests before getting their citizenship. My parents were not allowed to abuse me. They were warned once that maybe in the old Yugoslavia you can beat your kids, but in Canada it’s called Child Abuse. My parents acclimated and accepted the new world they lived in because they had to. They would not get their citizenship if they didn’t learn and pass the tests. My father failed his driving licence exam 12 times. His English wasn’t that great, but he didn’t have an interpreter in those days. You either learn the language or you’re fucked. You will be ostracized, rejected by your community because you can’t speak the language.

I love all of humanity but I reserve the right to NOT like someone. I don’t like them because of what they do, not because of their skin color.

They are pinning us against each other folks, can’t you see that? Racism is another mind control program to instill into you that you either abide by the regime or  you will be punished for having a choice. You can call me what you like, but I am proud of the fact that I can tell you to your face that I don’t like you. Not because of what your skin color is or your religion, I may not like you because of your behavior or the fact that you are causing discomfort and harm to others. In that case, we need to let people know why we don’t like them. If we don’t tell them, how will they know to correct their mistake?

I feel sorry for the Americans. This madness that has fallen upon them is horrific. To have to think before  you open up your mouth must be horrific. To be afraid that someone might consider you to be a fascist, racist, woman hater or man hater or gay hater or religion hater. You better wake up folks…you are heading for the abyss and I can guarantee that the rest of the world is not going to come and help you or pass you a rope. You were the beacon of democracy, now you have fallen into the abyss of madness and political correctness. I love all of you Americans except those that cause harm to others. .When you cause harm to others you cause harm to yourselves because we’re all ONE.. We need to help each other and teach each other to be better humans. It’s why we came here. I don’t like “homosexuality”, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. I simply don’t agree with what others think. It’s my right to choose how I feel. I don’t dislike homosexuals. I simply don’t agree with the concept or reality that someone born a male can go through that ritual of changing their sex. They don’t need body changes to feel differently. If that’s the body you were given or you chose, why prove to me you need to do this? You need to prove to yourself that you can accept yourself for what and who you are. There is a reason why you chose that body to incarnate into. I don’t dislike you for that, I dislike the idea and concept that it’s normal and natural. What does that make me now?

If you ask me, it makes me someone who can voice their opinion without fear of what others might think of them. Can you do that?

The Power of Nature


This is a view of my garden from the solarium before clearing out winter greens. This is where I spend time grieving, growing and creating. It is where I feel the ultimate power of creation when I can plant a seed and watch it break ground and come up for sunshine.

These strawberries live in forest mulch. If you look closely you will see pine needles. I drive a few km into a dense pine forest and collect the surface mulch. Normally these strawberries are half the size. The power of nature is clear. Observe nature and duplicate it in your garden. I learned this from the Back to Eden documentary. When asked how his crops grow so big and healthy, he said that he observed nature. Have you ever walked around in nature and found uncovered soil? Nope. To understand this photo you need to know that I live on an island similar to Hawaii. It’s volcanic rock. My ancestors had to remove layers of boulders, rocks and stones to find soil to plant crops in. Soil is a commodity here and I’m probably the only one on this island that produces it’s own soil/compost.

I asked myself a few weeks ago: “Why spend time typing about what I’m thinking and hoping that it might change the world?” I then realized that the world to change is mine and that by being an example I can only then gain credibility. Words are just words. What do philosophers do? They share their thoughts. That’s all philosophy is. We’re all philosophers but how many of us can grow their own food? You will see the composter in the background. It takes a lot of work to grow organic food. The soil is food for the insects and worms that produce humus, so everyday I have to collect leaves, sticks, food scraps to feed the composter to feed the soil to feed me organically. This is my fifth year and this year I’m learning how to save my own seeds. Last year I spent months ordering heirloom seeds so I can do this.

The fruit of my labor. This photo was taken 4 years ago when I first started raised bed gardening but this is my creation. To grow your own food is to feel the power of creation. You plant the seed and watch your lifeline come up for sunshine, how awesome is that? But this is just an analogy to who we are. We are creators of everything. Just as we plant the seed for the plant to grow, we must plant the seed of THOUGHT and Visualize that what we want to have or happen. It’s all within our power if you will just accept this reality.


You are the flower of life. You were created by a male and female energy. You came into this world through a process called love. If I care for and nurture these flowers, they will give me healthy and nutritious beans. Without food we die. If you can’t grow your own food you will surely die because everything, almost everything we purchase in markets and stores has been tainted by substances that cause cancer. You don’t need a big garden, in fact you don’t even need a garden. You can grow in containers.

In a 5 ft square space you can grow all your needs in a season. If you have balconies, 5 gal. containers will do. Plants are forgiving, just give them sunshine, water, nutrients and a lot of love, they will produce. If you feel that you’re losing control of your life, find a place where you can garden. Most suburbs or cities have community gardens where you can learn how to garden. You either love it or hate it, but in the end, you’re faced with a choice of eating healthy and being the creator of your own destiny or being the victim and relying on others to feed you.


I’m the one in white t-shirt. This was our olive harvest last year. We make 100% pure olive oil, not the extra virgin dead oil. Extra virgin means there is no oleic acid in the oil which is a key factor in healing.. Extra virgin oil means “dead” oil. Very few people know what the meaning is. The Oleic acid is removed because olive oil will go rancid after a period of time, so the key nutrient is removed to deliver dead oil to the market. According to Wikipedia: “Oleic acid is a fatty acid that occurs naturally in various animal and vegetable fats and oils. It is an odorless, colorless oil, although commercial samples may be yellowish.  The term “oleic” means related to, or derived from, olive oil which is predominantly composed of oleic acid.” So, remove the oleic acid and you have dead oil. Another deception that extra virgin olive oil is good for you.

Growing your own food means freedom. I’m not totally free yet, need to add some fruit trees but organic grown foods take time to learn. The seeds you have access to in your world may not grow in my world. Most of the time they lie on the seed packets because the reality is, they don’t want you to grow your own food. To create food is to be empowered.


My home in the countryside. This is where I live and create. This pile of rocks is all over the island. This is how the ancients built walls by clearing out looking for soil. I find seashells and different undersea animal fossils in my soil. It’s proof that my island was once a seabed and later became a volcanic island.


The Propaganda of Human Suffering

I have been dealing with some losses in my inner circle of family and it’s been a down time for me. My partner is again in hospital with different issues this time but he’s going to be fine.

Yes, there is much suffering going on in the world. We hear it every moment, every second either through TV, radio, internet and in our local community because people are dropping off like flies. As Buddha said: “We cause our own suffering by wanting things to remain the same, by living in the past, by fearing death”. This is christian dogma based on a narrative that Christ suffered therefore we should suffer.

I can be sad, I can mourn the loss of someone in my life, I can see the destruction around me but never once have I thought of this as suffering, merely, a human reaction to what happens in our lives.

Christians are taught or believe that suffering makes us somehow better people. That suffering is something we must feel. According to whom? I never found anything in the bible that we must suffer. If Jesus suffered, that doesn’t mean that humans must suffer. If Jesus died for humanity, then why we do need to suffer if he’s done this for us?

Suffering is not a part of the human condition but is rather the side effect of ignorance. It’s a choice we make. Suffering is not feeling sad, you just feel sad. It’s not about being ill, you’re just ill. Suffering is believing that you’re helpless and that something has been imposed upon you. Suffering is ignorance about who you are and why you’re here. It may be part of the human experience if you chose to experience it but we gain nothing by suffering.

I have suffered much in the past because as a child I had no control over my life. But I choose not to suffer. I can feel sad, I can feel anger, I can have physical pain but that’s not suffering.

Suffering is holding on to something that doesn’t exist. The past doesn’t exist. Fearing the future that doesn’t yet exist is suffering. Suffering is about feeling victimized. It’s about believing that your god determines your destiny. It’s about calling god  and him not answering you (if you believe in that). God doesn’t function that way. Suffering is self-imposed through false beliefs and ignorance.

A perfect example is the destruction of Mosul in Iraq. The media interviews the survivors of the civilian bombing and you will hear most of the survivors thanking god for saving their lives. If god is so great that he saved your life, why did he impose such destruction upon you in the first place? If they thank Allah for saving them for death, should they not be asking Allah why he allowed the bombs to drop in the first place? This is just an example of what I consider to be human suffering brought on by ignorance or religion.

The term suffering is getting a lot of coverage right now. They want you to believe that someone or something is causing the suffering of humanity. Humanity is suffering because it believes in a savior and is so disappointed  that their savior is not saving them from whatever they are suffering from. How convenient it is to encourage us to feel “suffering”so that we can give up what little hope we have for humanity.

Suffering is a destructive thought. Suffering is not an emotion. How are you? Oh, I’m suffering. What are you suffering from? I lost my entire family in the bombing. That’s not suffering. That’s mourning the loss of your loved ones. Suffering is a biblical dogma, it’s a terminology almost the opposite of hope because when people suffer, they don’t understand why they are suffering.
Suffering is giving up on life and blaming the universe or god or our government or the cabal for our misery. Suffering is a choice. Suffering doesn’t make us better humans. We gain nor learn anything by believing suffering is exists.

What is suffering? I could define it as a syndrome of different emotions. A chronic condition of ignorance where pain is converted as suffering or experiencing war is suffering. Suffering is a terminology that was created for us to believe we are powerless and that some thing or someone determines our fate.

The laws of nature don’t have suffering as part of a learning cycle. Suffering is a made up condition used to disempower humanity. Suffering is ignorance. Suffering is victimhood. You choose to suffer but you can’t define what it means. Suffering is a list of symptoms combined and by adding them all together, we simply give suffering more power.

Suffering is used against us. It’s imposed upon us just like former US president Obama sold his “change”. He sure made changes in the US but they weren’t good changes. He empowered the term suffering by creating more wars, destroying more countries and convincing those of us watching that suffering is part of the human condition. It is not. It is a choice. Get over it. Humanity get off your knees. We are much more powerful than that. We gain nothing by believing in suffering. Suffering is not an emotion. How do you define it? You can hate, you can love, you can be angry, you can be happy,  but you can’t be suffering because it’s not an emotion, it’s not something you feel, it’s a belief system imposed upon us.

Those that believe they are suffering are really believing in something that someone told them or they believe in an evil god that would allow such horrific things to happen to them.

I have been thinking about this subject for a few days now. Everyone I run into mentions it and accuses me of suffering because I lost a few family members recently. I’m not suffering. My mother was suffering in her condition of Alzheimers maybe but only because she wasn’t aware that she was still alive. Can we define that as suffering? I don’t suffer. I don’t feel that suffering is beneficial to me and I can’t define suffering as something I feel. Perhaps we can call it a syndrome of disbelief. The disbelief that we are feeble minded humans waiting for a savior to come along and save us from ourselves. Whatever you believe in is your choice, but I have yet to hear someone try and explain to me what happens to a human when they are suffering. Is being homeless suffering? What are they suffering about? How did they get into that state? And if suffering is so bad; why do we choose to experience it?

It’s all in your head. Just like hope, suffering provides no room for taking responsibility for the choices we make. Hope has no meaning just as much as suffering doesn’t. Hope is a false belief that something might change or we might get something. Nothing changes without us changing. Nothing comes without us making the effort to achieve it. Hope and suffering are simply two words used to control  humanity. I don’t hope. I desire, I imagine, visualize and work towards that what I want. Hoping for something is like sitting at an airport lounge waiting for your flight to be called. What guarantee is there your flight is on time or that you will even depart? Someone has to get the plane ready, a pilot and crew are needed and even all of those things in place, it can snow and prevent the plane from departing. That’s hope. You can hope all you want, but if you don’t know how to get there, it doesn’t help you in any way.

Suffering is just the ignorant state of a believer. They want us to believe that suffering is real. It’s a figment of our imagination because it’s not a heartfelt emotion, therefore, it’s a dilution for the ego to mess with us, nothing more.

So, now that I have ended this rant, I must let you know that I’m seriously considering leaving this blog to the Universe. It’s one less commitment and honestly, I have nothing left to rant about. I have accepted life for what it is, I create my own truths, I no longer need to convince anyone that they need to seek truth. Truth is, not all of us came here to change the world. Some of us came here to play the victims, without victims there is no need for change. Truth is, I might lose my partner and if that does happen, I need to carve out a new life for myself and I’m slowly removing myself from this virtual world. I was hoping that my readers would help and contribute with their own thoughts and ideas. I don’t have any left. I’m free. The bees are busy suckling nectar from my broccoli flowers, my lettuce has sprouted,  spinach will be coming any day, cannabis is almost ready for transplanting. What can be better than dancing in nature? Whether I end up alone or not, nature will always be around me to guide me. I’m free.

Choose freedom not suffering. Choose truth and not hope. Neither suffering nor hope will get you anywhere. It will only keep you waiting for something that will never come.

A Week in a Nutshell or Is it a Nut House?

Sorry for not writing more but once I explain everything I have had to go through you will understand. I’m proud of myself for passing the test of time, for accepting death for what it is: Life. As you know my mom passed away 2 weeks ago. My partner is in ICU because of embolisms and I’m waiting for the veterinarian to put my beloved dog Max to sleep. He’s had his share of suffering with epilepsy and I promised him I would not let him suffer.

Humans can’t deal with death, we have been programmed and conditioned to  believe that death is the end of the road. Our parting is difficult because we believe that once they stop breathing, it’s over, life is difficult without them. I have dealt with death in the last few weeks and I must say that I have done well.

Max has been with me for 11 years. He’s been an example of what we humans should be. Oh if only we could be like them 10%, we would be better at being humans. Max forgave me even when I got mad at him, he never stopped looking at me with love even when he knew I was about to blow up because he peed on the floor or couldn’t wait until morning to go outside and I had to clean up his poop. I have never heard my dog growl at me or anyone for that matter. Even when his tail was pulled, when a stranger kicked him, he never showed his teeth. He taught me so much, but most of all patience and LOVE.

But this is not what I came here to write. We come and go, it’s part of the game we came here to play, life goes on here in 3D or in another dimension. I’m writing because of the terminal madness going on. For some reason, I was very attracted to Trump and his presidency and with that comes the reactions across the world and the madness happening in America. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry, but I’m curious what is happening to Americans? Is it the fluoridated water, anti depressants, chemtrails, poison in the water system, or is someone through frequencies destroying what common sense and logic they have? I don’t know but it’s disturbing because I know one thing for sure. Whatever they are doing, they are not doing it out of clear mind or logic, not intentionally. The Americans that I know are good people.  I don’t have words for what I feel watching America disintegrate and fall into chaos. The violence and aggression because people don’t agree with each other, the bashing and gnashing, it’s very very sad.

Unless Americans come together very soon, I’m afraid the country will just erupt in great chaos, as if poverty and unemployment is not enough, do they really need this? I know many of you reading this blog are American and I don’t mean to offend anyone. My perspective is different than yours. I live in a different culture and way of life so perhaps I’m the one that has changed and that sees things in a different light.

We here in Croatia are dealing with something totally different. Because of our lack of government leadership, because of lack of jobs, because of high death rates from Cancer, people have retreated into their shells. I live in a village of 400 people and yet I don’t see many people during the day. We come out to get our daily bread and retreat into our homes. It’s how we deal with death, lack of and disunity. These people have lost their faith in government, have lost their will to fight and struggle because they have gone through communism, wars, hardships and now a high increase in Cancer because NATO bombed Serbia during the breakup of Yugoslavia and these people are now paying that price.

What is changing is that people are actually asking what is going on. They notice that people are dying off right and left. They notice that doctors don’t know any better than to just issue drugs. They notice that the weather has changed, that chemtrails are polluting their skies. They know something is not right but are not yet ready to listen or hear the truth. Awakening is painful. You and I both went through that process of realization and it wasn’t easy. Accepting the ugly truth that our entire life is programmed to live and breath a certain way is a hard pill to swallow but we also know that after that bitterness, we are feeling lighter and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

These are difficult times for everyone. There is no country or people that are not suffering because we have allowed our governments to fuck us over. Yeah, it’s a hard pill to swallow, a very toxic pill, one that will make you nauseous and vomit but it’s part of the process.

As I have written many times in the past, we are the ones that will make that change but until more people wake up, things will get worse. How worse can they get you may ask? I don’t know how worse, how worse can they get, is it not horrible already? So long as you have a roof over your head and food in your belly you will continue to hope that things will get better. They will, but don’t wait on it because it’s not coming from any direction, it’s coming from within you.

The hardest pill to swallow is the one where you realize that you are the cause of this madness because you did too little too late. Wake up old soul, we don’t have much time left. Wake up old soul, remember who you are. You are the light that came here to shine and raise the frequency of this planet and humanity. Wake up old soul, because of you I may have to come back here again and I don’t feel very happy about that. Wake up old soul, I’m almost out of pills.