Joy IS When Your Heart Sings

It’s been a while since I have posted something meaningful, but as the word gets out that I have Cannabis Medicine, many people are calling. It’s been very busy for me and my partner had some complications and that takes a lot of my time and energy.

Most of these people that call have no money to pay for the Medicine, but so far I have managed to GIVE each patient a month’s worth of medicine by carefully dosing it into empty gel capsules.

The purpose of this post is to identify with a few types of people that are receivers of good will. One family in Poland bargained with me about the price, so I sent them a monthly dosage to try out. It’s difficult to trust over the internet, I get that. But even after they received this medicine, and after a month of emails back and forth, they managed to talk me down into 1/2 the price. I did it out of love, they had to borrow money, I get that, but I also sent them along with the medicine (concentrate) a few jars of various creams for free. I felt bad for them, I know it’s tough when someone is ill and you don’t have money to get the best. A few days upon receiving it, they started to complain that the concentrate wasn’t hard enough as I described, questioning my integrity. When I wrote back and let them know that I more than made up for this loss they felt happened by giving them at least a few hundred dollars worth of Cannabis Creams and Salves, they said that didn’t count because they didn’t ask for anything.

I have to admit, it hurt my feelings; after all I’m human too;  because my intentions were honorable. Who in their right fucking mind would send by snail mail a package of illegal medicine and risk getting caught? Who in their right mind would GIVE so much more in value and then try to rip them off? Yeah, there are people like that.

Locally, here on the island, our butcher was sick and I offered to help because he doesn’t understand a tumor statistically leads to cancer, and pancreatic cancer is a death senetence, so I offered to give him some as well because he didn’t have money either. No problem, I spent hours filling up the capsules, dosing them for morning and evening and brought them to him. A few days ago I ran into his wife and she said: “Oh, the surgery went fine, he’s feeling good and doesn’t take it anymore”. Alright, but did she offer to give the rest back knowing what it cost? Nope. So, I called my friend and congratulated him on his speedy recovery and asked him to return the medicine because there are other people who are in the same situation as he is and they could really use it. No worries, he gladly returned it. This was a 2-month dose.

A few weeks ago, I went to visit my cousin whose husband is suffering from heart disease and Diabetes. I bought 30 caps for him. He said he didn’t need it, in other words, it wasn’t in his interest to get better. He wanted his wife to dote on him and bring breakfast in bed, why would he want to get better?

I said to my partner: “You know what? People are so ungrateful when you GIVE them something of value and don’t appreciate it. I bet had they paid for it, they would surely use every drop of it”-and I vowed to never give any of this medicine to anyone again. If they can’t pay for it, too bad.

Well, that didn’t last long. A lady in our country Capital Zagreb contacted me to ask me about the medicine. Her father had intestinal cancer and it had migrated over to his liver. She’s a medical nurse and did her research. When I gave her the price, she said she would do her best to put the money together. That was 3 weeks ago, so I knew she didn’t or wasn’t able to get her finances together, so I called her and offered to give her father some medicine for free. I had returned back the Medicine from my friend and I thought, why not? I made arrangements to send them to her in the mail. At first, she refused, proud and puffed up saying she could not accept such a gift. Really? If someone is offering to help you, can’t you open up your heart and accept the kindness offered to you? I managed to convince her she needed to open her heart and accept kindness because it’s a two-way street. If you don’t give, you don’t receive. If you can’t receive, you can’t give. It’s the natural law at work or Karma, whatever you want to call it.

I broke my promise that I would not do this, but I can’t function otherwise. My heart sings when I can do something good. I’m not in need of money, I have abundance in my life, though it does cost money to produce the Cannabis Concentrate and I do have to at least recover my expenses, but as you know yourselves, you need an entire field of Lavender to make a small amount and so I too would like to be compensated for my efforts and for taking the risk.

People have become so ungrateful, in extreme cases like this Polish family, who get everything 1/2 the price and get FREE jars of creams and salves and they find fault in what they received? It’s not my fault they live in poverty consciousness. It’s not my fault they chose to live in poverty. It’s not my fault their mother has brain cancer either. How do you deal with things like this? What has become of our human race that we can overlook the generosity and yet find fault with the gift they receive?

As a Psychologist, I would chalk this up to low self-esteem; but I believe it’s something deeper than that because I too many years ago gave so much and yet had such a difficult time accepting kindness. I didn’t feel worthy of that kindness but while I was rejecting it, I wasn’t getting anything good happen in my life and over the years, I changed, matured and became a Buddhist, good things started to happen. The more gratitude I felt and gave to Creator, the more abundance came into my life.

Some may say that I am fortunate to have such abundance. It’s not fortune. I worked hard at that, we have to change the way we view our reality. If we don’t feel worthy of kindness, it doesn’t come our way anymore. We attract what we feel so during those years of rejecting kindness, I had nothing but assholes enter into my life.

For those that celebrate the holidays, whatever your religion or beliefs; if you haven’t heard or felt your heart sing, then you haven’t opened your heart enough to receive kindness. It’s much easier to give then it is to receive. The heart doesn’t want or ask, it just feels love so love is felt in giving, at least it has been for me. If you feel guilty when someone does something good to you, then your heart is not singing. Love doesn’t know the difference, it just knows that it needs to sing to be happy.

No matter how much I promise myself that I will never give away anything anymore, my heart always prevails. If you live in the heart, you will hear it’s music all the time. Believe me, I know this. Today, I didn’t hear my heart sing, so I packaged up that medicine and mailed it off. It’s no big deal because I get so much more in return. You are the light, this light projects from the heart and if your heart isn’t singing and if you don’t hear the music, you need to go inside and ask yourselves why. Love. It’s all about love. I wish you all greatness over the holidays and that you find your ways and that you procure new paths. The old paths have worn out and overgrown with weeds. It’s time to find a new path and push hard to the finish line. We’re almost there, this madness will last another few years, but we are more than halfway through.

Love you all!