Home At Last

As I stare at this text editor trying to remember my thoughts on the way upstairs, I realized that nothing I have to say today is of importance to you. How do I define a reality I have never experienced? How do I explain the incredible peace I feel inside while the world around us crashing, while terminal madness is coming to it’s highest shape and form?

Many years ago when I chose to practice Traditional Chinese Medicine, I had a lot of health issues and felt I was not worthy of healing others if I had problems. I felt it was wrong to give advice and heal others while I was experiencing health problems. My task was to give it all I had to heal this body that had chosen many difficult and horrific experiences in this lifetime.

They ( the experts in psychology and psychiatry) claim that our traumas are forever buried in our consciousness and that we must struggle all our lives to keep them at bay. Some will say the imprint of trauma is forever recorded in our DNA and therefore, almost impossible to remove. Many opinions on this one, I can only speak for myself. If you have come to this blog in the last year then you haven’t learned much about me. I chose a very difficult incarnation, at the time I had no idea it was my mission and lessons I chose. I kept asking god why he was doing this to me. To sum it up in a nutshell, I born deformed and suffered great pain all my life but my parents never took me for medical care therefore, the condition is part of me now and I live with it. I was sexually abused at the age of 5 and 12 years of age, both my parents immigrants and uneducated abused me for 16 years. I never heard a kind word from either parent let alone a word of encouragement. Being bad was part of who I was because it was the only time I got attention.

I care not to go past the first 16 years, but I think that you get the picture where I was and where I am today. I believed that I change my paradigm and chose to first heal myself before I healed others. I can assure you, psychology had nothing to do with it. It was the realization of WHO I was, why I was here and how powerful I was as a light being. I have been writing about these things, about us being light beings, about choosing to be here, about creating realities that may seem horrible at this moment, but while I wrote about these things I worked on ‘becoming’ that light. Knowing you are the light is one thing, feeling you are the light is something totally different.

I can’t describe this experience of being the light. I see the sun, I think: I see the sun. I see violence: “I think oh, two people experiencing pain”. No emotional attachments, I have become the observer, my voice is softer and kinder, my partner is healing because I stopped being frustrated over his poor medical care and started to just love him unconditionally no matter what he chose to heal with. He’s healing because I allowed him to heal, not because I wanted him to heal.

I can’t define or describe the feelings of freedom, bliss, joy and neutrality. I can look at people I don’t prefer to have in my company but not with judgement or desire that they change, I simply feel such sorrow and compassion; not for their suffering, but because they don’t know who they are, they are not consciously aware why they are here, that in itself is suffering.

Suffering means going through life unaware of who you are, unaware of the light that you are. There is no hierarchy in this reality, we are all loved equally, we are all allowed to have our experiences as painful as they may, they are but a millisecond in the time-space that doesn’t exist. We created this time construct to have these experiences, but we exist at all times, in all realities, simultaneously, I know this because I leave the body at night to visit my different experiences and realities.

I don’t know what the next moment will bring, time is a construct we created to keep us in this mind prison; but don’t give up on whatever it is you are doing to make your life better. Instead of focusing on what you want to be, focus on who you are. You already ARE everything you think you are, you are everything you need to be, you’re here because you’re an old soul, you graduated from millions of multidimensional realities in order to have the strength and courage to be here in this physical reality. We chose to experience physical bodies, be all that is, but nobody said it would be all love and light.

You were created in love and you are the light. These are my thoughts today, these have been my thoughts for weeks now. I have no desire to comment on existing realities, on masters, on ascension, on end of the world scare scenarios. They don’t exist, they are all illusions created for us to think it would happen because we are so close to going home and if we succeed (which we will), they no longer have an energy source. Be assured that whatever you are doing, you are doing it because you planned it that way. There is no right or wrong, it is simply what YOU choose to think and create for your reality. I read once that once you die, your reality splits in two. The reality you left continues, while your new reality starts over again…..so many possibilities of who you are, but remember this: Whatever you choose to be, it’s because you have that freedom to choose what you want to be and that once this madness ends, we will be together in consciousness, laughing at how silly we were to think that we were once considered a human race.

You are the light. You are divine. You are all that is!