It is my opinion that the term Addiction is basically hyped up in order for the Medical Industry Complex to benefit. Isn’t it always that way? When did we invent road rage? Isn’t that when someone angry or impatient lashes out at another driver? It’s rage. It’s not road rage, we experience rage in many forms and reasons, but the moment Road Rage became accepted, we had many more people rushing to their psychiatrist asking for a chemical to deal with ‘rage’.
For those of you that know me from the start, know that I am a child survivor of abuse and sexual abuse. I was born with severe spinal deformities and no thanks to my parents, they never took me to a doctor so in my 40’s I started falling apart literally. At the age of 28, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I suffered from clinical depression since I was a teenager. All these problems were results of bad parenting, neglect and sexual abuse. In the 90’s, we didn’t know what FM was or what caused it. Today we know that it’s a neurological disorder. The pain center in the brain sends signals to the body, wrong signals, therefore, is the reason why we feel pain yet there is no way to know why because after years of being tested, nothing is found.
Neurological disorders can be permanent but I don’t believe they can’t be altered or changed. My pain management system in Canada was very different. The doctor prescribed a certain amount of pills for a defined period. You took your Rx to the pharmacy and the pharmacist filled up the bottle according to what your doctor prescribed. Addiction was very difficult because we had to justify each pill we took.
When I arrived in Croatia 11 years ago, for starters, they didn’t have the medications I required to manage my pain. Codeine was the key ingredient, while even today, I cannot get Codeine in any shape or form in Croatia. I was started on so many different pain meds that it took 2 years to find the right one and it was Tramadol. Tramadol is not sold as an opiate, my doctors never told me it was an opiate and nobody told me it was addictive. Tramadol is an opiate and should be on the Narcotic substance list od drugs.
Until last week, I was taking 500 mg of Tramadol/Tramundin slow release. Many folks I have read testimonies from online had great difficulty going off 100 mg for a few months use. My doctor knew I had a problem with it, I’m always open and honest about everything because I take full responsibility for all my choices, decisions and actions. It was a matter of finding the right time to take a few days or weeks to detox and go cold turkey. Reducing dosage didn’t work well and caused a psychological barrier like smoking did, the pain would get bad and by the evening, I increased the dosage. No, I never took my meds on a regular time, it was always when the pain got to the point I could not function anymore, but after years, that became a blur because the side effects of Tramadol can cause pain itself after long usage.
Last Friday, I woke up that morning and said to myself: “It’s time”. I was afraid, if you do the research yourself and read up on “Tramadol Withdrawal”, the stories are horrific, the medical facts are horrific, it’s compared to heroin or cocaine withdrawal thus, I delayed doing this because my partner is ill. What will happen to him if I can’t get out of bed in the morning? But something that morning told me it was going to be ok.
You know having read a lot of my work that I write a lot about “creating our own reality”. The last year, the reality I wanted to create was one free of Tramadol so rather than saying or thinking “I am addicted”, I would instead think “I do not want this as my reality anymore”, or “this reality must end, it no longer serves me”.
I’m on day 7 of my drug withdrawal. I am here writing to you without my hands shaking, without sweating, without a desire for any drug, calm, elated and joyous that the reality I wanted so much was created. I don’t have any other words at this moment, this is my current reality, drug free. Yes, the first few days were difficult, it was pain, pain, pain, every hair on my body hurt to touch, but I could handle that pain, I knew it was part of the drug leaving the body as Tramadol works on the Central Nervous System but if pain was all that I was about to experience, I could handle that because I live with it everyday.
I woke up early this morning, instead of laying around dazed trying to figure out what day it was and time, I got up, showered and started the day. I haven’t done this in over 20 years. Normally, I would struggle to get up, always feeling tired like I didn’t sleep at all, I blamed FM for that, justified it with my diagnosis and childhood trauma. It’s all legitimate, it’s normal to think and feel that way, but instead of being the victim all these years, I worked hard at changing the way I see myself and this reality.
Did my thought process of “desiring a better reality” change the paradigm from addiction to simply a new reality? I don’t know. I can only speak for myself and this experience only proves to me that if we change the way we think, if we change the way we want our reality to be, we can do it.
It takes courage to accept responsibility for the mistakes we make or the harm we cause to ourselves. We live in an illusory world that was created to keep us enslaved, it’s no wonder we are the way we are, but as we wake up from that false reality, we must start working on ourselves, not just changing our perception. It takes, time, dedication, commitment, belief in one self, it takes a connection with our higher self and truly ‘know’ how powerful we are. I believe that ‘addiction’ is just another deception and illusion created for us to feel guilty, ashamed and fall for the weakness in us that they want us to think. I believe that whatever harm we do to ourselves, it’s because we made that choice, knowingly or unknowingly, we did it to our selves and then blame addiction for our problems.
Although it is only day 7 of being drug free, it is the best 7th day of my life, I am proud and still in awe of my power that I could do this without the horrific side effects of drug withdrawal. There is no such thing as addiction, there is only a choice to take the drug or not. The rest is the consequence of bad decisions and choices, ones that we have to take responsibility for, but once you do, life is fucking good!