Thanks to a few readers, I was asked to share my NDE experience. You know, it happened over 30 years ago and I did manage to have it listed and approved on the organization that deals with this phenomena, but I can’t remember right now, anyway, it’s there though I will probably do a better job explaining some of it now because I am more mature and evolved.
In 1981 I was scheduled to have a C-Section due to the fact that I had one already. In those days they didn’t chance it. I was also very deformed (congenital scoliosis) and the first child, my daughter got stuck in the pelvis and had to be removed by surgery as well.
I didn’t know at that time that I was born with this disorder so anesthesia was very traumatic for me, they could not intubate me often and depending on who did the work, it always resulted in difficulty but success. In this case, I was told later on that the anesthesiologist was very rough and she continued to shove the tube down and for a moment the larynx went into spasm, the breathing passage was blocked and I started to suffocate because lack of oxygen. In the meantime, I was told that there was no tracheostomy kit in the operating room and by the time they did manage to intube me, I went into cardiac arrest and was clinically dead for 11 to 12 minutes. All I remember was choking and fighting for breath, but I was unable to move. That was because the anesthesiologist stopped the anesthesia and for a brief moment I was conscious of that.
During my pregnancy I was very overweight, I believe I weighed 311 lbs prior to surgery and suffered from Toxemia: A condition in pregnancy, also known as pre-eclampsia (or preeclampsia) characterized by abrupt hypertension (a sharp rise in blood pressure), albuminuria (leakage of large amounts of the protein albumin into the urine) and edema (swelling) of the hands, feet, and face.
My son was not delivered yet, so he was without oxygen for over 12 minutes. I was also told that the helicopter from the Neonatal hospital was called because it was just a given that he would be born a vegetable IF he was alive.
There was no journey, no tunnel, no traffic, no one to greet me, no nothing. I immediately felt a dark void and then in front of me opened up a world of bright brilliant light. I was aware of who I was, I simply observed, calm, and the most important part this event was that I felt this was my home. It was that feeling of, “it’s so good to be back home”. The self awareness of who I was was present, it was as if I did this all the time and I supposed for 12 minutes, I observed, and allowed myself to be bathed by the beauty of incredible light filled with nuances of golden and silver shades melding into each other, nothing was stagnant, everything around me was moving, transient. I was at peace, I felt safe, and my life flashed by me on a screen, but it wasn’t external, and I could see the operating room and many staff running around, working, and I saw the doctor deliver my son, who was quickly taken away to the doors. I guess they were taking him to the hospital. He was blue…that’s all I noticed while he was being delivered, and it was fast.
The next time I remember was waking up in the hospital room attached to a breathing machine, and tubes, I had my hands gently tied to the sides of bed. I was told that I had seizures. The tracheostomy was also done in a rush and as a result a major artery was severed and blood entered my lungs. I was in a coma for 10 days after giving birth.
My son Milan survived, in fact, he was normal. Afraid that he would be taken away from me, I was forced to take him for testing for the next 4 years. Although I knew he was fine, I had no choice, but it turned out he had NO brain injuries or damage, aside from a broken elbow bones, I think it was when he was being pulled out.
My son is of a genius magnitude, while my parents waited, they were told to prepare because they had never seen anyone survive what I did, but I did survive and I too had no consequences other than a badly severed scar that had to be repaired with plastic surgery and a fear of choking. The first day I brought Milan home, I was feeding him and he coughed, I wet my panties from a sheer panic that he would choke on the milk. It took another 3 years to get over that fear and as a result I denied him suckling, in other words, I would pull the bottle from his mouth when I thought he “might” choke…and he would suckle even harder when I put it back so he was a fat baby but outgrew it as I overcame that fear of choking.
The doctors came into the room that day, there were 6 of them and my family doctor basically told me they had no answers as to what happened and that only GOD was breathing into our lungs because we were not supposed to be alive.
I didn’t pay much attention to my NDE because for starters I didn’t even know what it was, it was another year gone by when I started to purchase esoteric books and studying various religions that I came across that subject and only then did I tie the two together. I talked to a Catholic priest and to a Jehovah Witness elder and both told me it was the devil taunting and teasing me. I could not accept that, it didn’t resonate with me, but it took another 10 years until I finally understood what had happened.
As many of us will tell you that have had a NDE, it does change your life. I started to question everything I believed in and although I didn’t practice the Catholic religion, I did a few things because my mother influenced me into baptizing the kids and that’s it. Within 2 years after this event, I left my husband and moved to the US Washington state to continue my studies in Psychology.
My third pregnancy, or last one resulted in a miscarriage, my husband beat the crap out of me and kicked me in the stomach, it took me another 4 years to leave because it was simply not possible with 2 small children. My daughter is now 36 years old and lives in Vancouver B.C., and my son is 34 and lives in Edmonton Alberta.
This experience led me to the journey that I am still on. I believe I was home, at Source, where I was created. It was like a visit to remind me of who I am, also, I believe that when we decide to leave the body and if we are lucky enough to avoid the karma trap like I was, we go to a cleansing place to remove all traces of negative energy from the soul. For many years I didn’t talk about this because it didn’t fit the typical NDE of tunnels, being sucked through some vortex, being greeted by deceased family and I have yet to read about a similar experience, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
It truly changed my life forever, but it also gave me a spiritual courage to leave all the people that abused me throughout my life including my parents and husband. They probably did the most damage to me and once I had left that environment I was able to do the work on me and my journey was not impeded by anyone. I am an old soul, I was told so when I had a reading with a very popular psychic in Canada, she happened to be promoting a book in my favorite esoteric bookstore. Why do I believe her? For starters she only knew my first name.
She knew everything in my past, everything in the present and I had no reason not to believe what she told me about the future, and that was that I would be a healer and write a book. Both these events happened and I AM an soul therefore, I was mature enough to take a detour from the karma trap because I have done it so many times before.
I know I have done this many times before, because last night, I finally saw the characters of me in other realities, I am now writing a new post on that subject.
The NDE helped me to understand that not all things are the way we think they are. It taught me to do my own research and not trust blindly some authority or expert. Everyone on this planet has an agenda, including you and me. Our agenda is to remember who we are and return home after we figured it all out. There are many agendas out there, but believe me, they are not intended to hurt us, this is an illusion, they are part of the play, they have to hurt us in order for us to take action, to get pissed off, to start doing something about it.
We, who have experience death, and I don’t consider dying for 12 minutes a “near death”, because we actually die, I was clinically dead, no heart and no brain activity. I was dead. Dying is an incredible experience, I can attest to that and so can many people, it has strengthened my faith in a loving god, but not the religious one or institutionalized one, rather my creator/source, the one that blew a seed off the palm of his hand and said “Fly my child, the world is yours to experience, have fun and when you are done, return home”. This is what I live for. I live for knowledge, understanding, figuring out who I am and why I am here…I long for going home and sure as heck hope I can figure it out in this lifetime because I’m tired of some dumbassed people that won’t open their eyes regardless of how many times you tell them so. I know, they have their own lessons to learn I was trying to be funny, didn’t work out very well did it?
Hey, thanks for listening.