Normally I would be pleased to say that my partner is home from hospital. It’s been 3 days now and he’s resting in bed. I have had to deal with relatives and friends that don’t believe in Alternative Medicine and it got so ugly that I am actually being accused of destroying his health because of IT. Far from the truth, my struggle has been watching Toni take the drugs day in out and watching him die slowly. Simple logic tells you that if you are taking any drugs for a specified amount of time and there is no improvement, that drug is not doing it’s job and should be removed.

Sadly, I had to walk the fine line because family and friends are watching me intensively because of their false beliefs. I believe it’s because they know medicine is not going to help him and so it will be easy to just blame me for his death.

Well, it’s exactly what I did. I figure since they are blaming and accusing anyways, I would take matters into my own hands. The first thing I did was bring my tablet into our bedroom and with Toni read some basic concepts of diuretics, as you know, it has been my observation that it was the long term use of diuretics that is causing his blood to clot amongst a list of other complications such as painful joints, weakness, loss of appetite etc. Look it up, you will see for yourself.

I started to Toni on alkaline water, no diuretic and some gentle Tui Na, gua sha and cupping therapy. The next day he was feverish, hot and cold and very weak. This is called a healing crisis. This is where most people tell me to fuck off and leave them alone because they feel worse and often they just give up not understanding that the body needs to do the work rather than getting instant gratification from a pill.

I told Toni during the therapy that he can expect that, although, he’s heard me over the years talk about my clients and so he was not very happy, but he wasn’t shocked either. The last few days have been difficult for him and for me, afraid that he might just give up and refuse more therapy as his joints are now inflamed and very sore, this is why he is in bed, he can’t even walk.

I tested all his drugs with the pendulum and so far, he’s able to take a few life saving ones, we were able to remove the diuretic and high blood pressure med as he doesn’t have a big problem and it too is causing blood clotting issues.

I’m taking a huge risk because my surrounding is primitive, ignorant, religious and authority obsessive, the doctor is god and god is the doctor, so if something goes wrong, all fingers will be pointed at me, but the way I see it, Toni doesn’t have many options left.

The last 2 years he’s been up and down, but more down than up, he’s lost his ability to function as a normal human, this is very difficult for a man that is always working and creating things from wood. He’s very needed on the island as the only real expert in woodworking so people wait months to get things done, and it’s been psychologically difficult for him, traditional men feel worthless when they can’t provide for the family.
The drugs, all 8 of them have not made one small improvement in his overall health, meanwhile he’s lost weight, he’s lost his sense of taste, smell and thirst for water, he struggles in the bathroom because of a hard stool due to dehydration, he’s always in pain in some areas of his body, I could write a book about what all has happened since he was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and COPD. There is no drug in medicine for these diseases, they are in essence self inflicted due to lifestyle mainly, Toni smoked 4 packs of cigarettes 20 years ago and since then has had asthma and other breathing issues. So, the doctors just write out prescriptions because it’s all they know what to do.

After two years of watching him slowly die, I too realized that I don’t have many options left. The two options were: 1. Watch him die a slow death and be there for him. 2. Take matters into my own hands and fuck what everyone else thinks.

I am also consulting with his doctor here, therefore, everything that I AM doing is being recorded. The family doctor is very supportive of any additional therapies, it’s the specialists that get arrogant. All she can do is send him to the mainland, her hands are tied, but she does support my work and removing drugs from his regiment is important to let her know, simply because we have laws in Croatia that are not honored by our doctors, a very simple law:

  1. The patient has the right to co-operate in all his therapies and has the right to refuse any.
  2. The doctor is obligated to inform, educate, and explain ALL potential drugs and therapies before making the decision.

Doctors here don’t talk or ask. They simply write the prescription and this is where Toni has faltered, he’s also stayed silent afraid to ask questions. This last stay in the hospital scared the crap out of him and he started asking questions, he then realized how little his doctor cared about him and it’s probably why he agreed to try Chinese Medicine.

The responsibility is huge, simply because we are persecuted here and everywhere for that matter, our work is not recognized, it’s demonized. If I go wrong, I can go to jail, yet if a doctor writes a prescription and this caused death, nobody is held responsible. So, it has to be done with great care and backup and I’m grateful that we have a doctor here that supports us in this venture otherwise, it might be almost impossible.

I have to say that Toni, despite the hardships right now is looking more alive, I see life in his eyes, I can actually see his love for me now, before his eyes are glossed and gray, dried out and dimmed. His fever/immune system is now working overtime, imagine being without water for 2 years and all of a sudden Niagara Falls manifests? His body is now in a state of repair, elimination, rebuilding and it’s weak from years of drug damage so the highlight of this is that he IS responding and though it may not be positive, he is responding and I am sure that within the week he will start returning back to the Toni I used to know.

We only have two choices on this fucked up planet, death or life. You choose to die or choose to live, both require a lot of work because it’s not easy to end your life either. Both require persistence and strong motives to accomplish the act. I’m choosing life and it’s actually much harder to stay alive than it is to die. I want to spend more years with Toni, I wasn’t ready for this illness, everything has stood still, including my garden because I want so much for him to live and for him to choose LIFE.

It is only when we get sick or get cancer that we realize how little we valued our selves. Material things, money all dictate our lives, we are driven in a corner where we have to search for money because it now costs to breathe our air. Money is god in this system right now, and sadly, it takes first seat even before our well being. That’s Toni’s only mistake, making the wrong choice thinking that money would make me happy, but if he would have asked me, I would have told him that no amount of money can buy the love we share together. Sometimes, it takes a situation like this for us to learn things and Toni has learned now that all that money he could have made, actually almost killed him.

May you be filled with love and joy today!~


4 thoughts on “DEATH ON THE EDGE

  1. Ines, I admire your courage and tenacity, you go girl and keep on doing what your’e doing, sounds like he is on the up now he’s off the two meds that were clotting his blood, thank God you at least have one doctor who is supporting your work with Toni. Please keep us updated on how he’s doin, I know you will stay strong, coz thats who you are and you have much respect from me for doing what your’e doing. Much Love and Peace Janice………

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