It’s my birthday tomorrow and I really didn’t think about it until last night when I was writing an email to my son in Canada. It’s difficult for me to accept the fact that I am a mother of two incredible kids both will be celebrating their birthdays soon. One will turn 36 and the other 34, while I feel like I am 36. I stopped aging at that time, I simply don’t feel or see myself older than that even though this vehicle I occupy would disagree with me.
They say you are what you feel or you’re as young as you feel, it’s no wonder that I get along with younger people. Women my age are old here, some have become grandmothers and have no life outside their obsession with their children. Often, throughout the years I felt that I was not a good mother because I wasn’t obsessed with my kids like other mothers were, but today I am grateful for that. Living far away from your children doesn’t make it easy, yet I was priveleged to have kids that understood my needs, knew I deserved to have my own life and allowed me to leave without feeling guilty. For that alone, I am grateful.
I don’t celebrate my birthdays, the number means nothing to me really. What does it mean? I should celebrate because someone gave birth to me and abused me for 17 years? Or, celebrate my birth because someone said I should? Or society has taught us our birthdays are special therefore, we must celebrate them? These are questions that I posed over the years. What is there to celebrate? The fact that we have survived that long? I don’t want to be tied into time. Time has no meaning when you’re not living in the Matrix. Although I physically exist in it, mentally I don’t have anything to do with it.
I cheated this year, and ordered 2 Orgonite pendants to wear for my birthday. It’s not celebrating it, I see it as the desire to want to live a long life, a life filled with joy, to live a life of quality and to do that, we have to take care of our bodies. Everyone around me is dying with some form of cancer, it’s a reminder how shit happens when you live a life of ignorance. I’m sorry to say this but it’s a fact. We die because we don’t learn about our bodies, what they need to be healthy. We don’t ask questions, we don’t clear out the baggage. We hold on to resentments. We are controlled by ego. We choose not to educate ourselves. We listen to our doctors and don’t ask questions. If you live in Eastern Europe, chances are you will get some form of cancer, thanks to NATO bombing Serbia in somewhere in between 1991 and 1995, don’t quote me on that date. 1 out of 5 people will die from Cancer in Eastern Europe but very few people even know or aware of the NATO dropping DU weapons in Serbia and Kosovo, let alone connecting the dots. It is very difficult to find the research on this subject and I don’t blame them, it would only scare the shit out of everyone reading it, and fear is another catalyst to cancer. There is enough fear in this world, but people tend to go into the opposite direction and pretend it doesn’t exist.
I’m proud to say that tomorrow, I will have lived 57 years in this lifetime. My quality of life is much better than it was 20 years ago. My health is also much better than it was 30 years ago. When we are young, especially when raising a family, we don’t appreciate the benefits of health, our priorities are raising our children and sacrificing in order that they receive everything they need. I won’t be celebrating my birth day tomorrow because I celebrate life each and every day. The moment I wake up I think: “Ines, I forgive you for everything” and “Thank you father for all that I have”. For all that I have is not about material things. I am grateful that I have the power, the knowledge, the understanding of who I am and how to use the gifts given to me. My creator gave me everything, I just need to learn what “everything” is and how to use it properly.
Tomorrow is Sunday, as always, once we have lunch, my partner will go and play Bocce, while I will get on my bike if weather permits, take my back pack filled with water, a book, blanket and head out into nature. I will take off my shoes and ground, I will feel mother Earth, connect with her and thank her that I am still here, still healthy and still in touch with her.
A birth day is just another day and if you choose to celebrate that day, ask yourself, what is that you are really celebrating? Unless you share your date of birth, nobody knows anyways and nobody cares. We have been taught to respect that day, to congratulate, buy a gift or card or send wishes….but it’s all about tradition really, there is nothing special about being older.
What is special about my life is that I am unique, I came here for a purpose and although I am not totally clear on what that purpose is, I do know that my date of birth has nothing to do with it. I don’t need to wait once a year to pat myself on the back, I celebrate every moment if possible because it is the MOMENT that counts.