How Many Years Did You Wait?

How many years did you wait? This is a question I asked myself today as I was logging into my diary. How many years did you live asking yourself why you are here? How many years did it take to figure it out? I can’t remember how far back I asked those questions, but it was around the time when I gave birth to my son and had my NDE. Although I didn’t immediately start asking those questions, at the time I was going through different religions and studying with Jehovah Witnesses. They told me my NDE was Satan tempting me or something like that. I was young, still full of hurt, and lived with a man that didn’t like to work much so there was not much time for contemplation.

I didn’t really start questioning that until the early 90’s and it was the motivating question that led me into my further searches for truth.

Today, as I was thinking about my kids, trying to figure out what went wrong, I realized that no matter what I said or wrote, it would change nothing because we live in different worlds. They don’t see the world the same way as I do so I started to wonder if they ask themselves why they are here?  Most people I know in my community, my clients and family really don’t know their real purpose here. They believe they are born, try to be good at whatever they choose and then die. I can’t say my kids are blind, they are not. They are very intelligent beings, who have a different view of life and therefore, I decided it was time to back away and let them be. It’s not their belief systems that is the issue, it’s mine. They can’t accept mine and I am ok with that. It took me 50 years to figure things out, it doesn’t mean I know the truth and have the answers, but I can’t seem to get them to accept my belief systems, so it’s best to just cut the ties and allow them to continue without me in their lives, it’s causing a lot of unhappiness for all of us and if that means staying away from them for them to be at peace and me to be at peace then I’m willing to sacrifice it.

Most people don’t know why they are here, why we exist, who truly created us yet won’t accept any theory either, because they use rationality, evidence and science.  In most cases, none of these work together, especially if you know that other dimensions exist, that we can’t see frequencies therefore, we only believe what we see or what we have been told.

The last few years I was focused on emergency preparations, you know, having enough food, water and supplies should something happen. Now I feel it’s a moot point because if we do have some kind of catastrophe, we may not survive and death is no longer something I fear. I’m not afraid, the preparations and all that will mean nothing if our area suffers in terms of destruction. In other words, if it’s big it will be big, there is nothing I can do about it but I don’t feel helpless, I just know now why I have been detaching from people and material things. Part of letting go of fearing death is detaching from people and things. It’s hard to let go and yet accept death peacefully, it’s a process. In this current reality and being attached to it, we don’t part with death well, but as time moves forward I am loosening the attachment and realizing that this life, this one life rarely is enough time to experience everything especially in the last 100 years as we were herded into cities, and started working for companies to survive. Gone are the days when we could live off the land, trade surplus for things we needed.

We have been so programmed into believing that death is the end and although religion teaches hell and heaven, nobody has ever come back to prove they exist. Innately, despite the programming, we ask why we are here, what’s the purpose of spending 18 years growing up and maturing, working towards material gains while at the same time saving for retirement and hoping we will live an old age before dying hopefully a painless death. And when we do retire, if we are lucky enough to live over 70 years of age, will we even live the rest of our days truly relaxing or not being so ill? So, in essence we are working most of our adult lives not even knowing if we will live long enough to enjoy the fruits of our labor. In that stage we await death, measure our milestones, assess our lifelong values to whether we created any good things during our lives and comforting ourselves  that we will leave something behind like a legacy of accomplishments, fortunes, discoveries or philanthropic work. It’s really just a justification of defining our purpose for being here because we can’t think of any other reason.

If you are religious and believe the story of Adam and Eve, then you must be really confused as to why you are here. Some religions teach that we are born in sin. My people believe that only god gives or takes. Imagine growing up as a sinner marked on your forehead and calling on god to make your life better.

What I see around me is the more religious people are, the more miserable their lives are and nothing seems to go right, they truly suffer. I think it’s because they created that reality through their belief system so they live a helpless life waiting for god to pull their number out of the hat. If you believe you are poor, you get poverty. Have you ever heard a poor person say: “My life is filled with abundance”? Probably not. They will say they are poor thus getting more poverty.

It’s very difficult to talk with people that are very religious. First of all, let me define what “very religious” means to me. This person goes to church all the time, whenever there are services, follows all Catholic holidays, uses the word god at least once every 5 minutes and fears death like the plague.

It’s difficult to talk with them because they use very dis-empowering language such as: “I can’t find a job because my government screwed it up and only God will save me; I have to go to Church soon otherwise the villagers will talk behind my back; hell no, I’m not going to forgive that son of a bitch, he’s not even Catholic; God took my child because he needed more angels”.

When I first arrived here 10 years ago, I didn’t respond to such statements. I was into Buddhism and reincarnation/karma so I just accepted their beliefs as being part of their karmic cycle and reasons why they were born in this lifetime. We are taught to respect all humanity in Buddhism because each one of us chooses a certain experience or has a lot of negative karma that they need to clear up.

10 years have passed and I have grown and evolved and I now question the statements. For example when I’m done working on a client, as they arise from the table, I tell them: “The healing will continue through tonight and the next few days so expect changes; you will be much better in a few days”. The usual reply is: ” If God willing”. That’s when I ask them if they really think that god will choose healing for them or not. Most often they all answer the same way by saying it’s an automatic response. I then ask them to sit down and help them understand some things. This is not about religion, it’s about giving your power away. In order to heal, you need to believe in it. By giving your power away, you may not get the healing you need simply because of the way you think.  I try to educate them on the power of thought. I don’t mention god or their religious beliefs because it’s not my place to do so, I only explain to them that nothing will change in their lives if they wait for someone else and that by not believing in their own healing powers, they won’t get better; at least not the maximum possible with negative thoughts.

The response should be: “yes, I will get better, I believe my healthy will improve or I know it will get better”.

It’s difficult to talk with people that feel dis-empowered, they have nothing positive to say. They live their lives in limbo waiting for God to pull their number out of the hat and what’s sadder is all that time they keep saying that God probably has a reason for not hearing their prayers or giving them what they want. Instead of going into the topic of religion, I try to get them to think about the statements they make, the thoughts they create and why nothing is happening in their lives.

Is Religion responsible for this state of mind? I can’t say and I don’t want to say, but I can only speak for my community and what I read and hear on the TV; the word God is used so often and I find that these people are really detached from making any kind of decisions based on the belief that it is they who have the power.

On the other hand, I see  how it benefits them to think that way. When things don’t work out, they then blame God for not getting what they want. I ask them: “Why do you believe that God will give you what you want?”. This is the million dollar question because they look at me, and blankly stare while trying to answer that question. It turns out they don’t even know why they think that way. It’s almost like another automatic response, the 100th monkey syndrome.

So I continue: “Ok, so let’s think about this. Why do you feel God is your only option? Do you truly believe that you can’t make anything happen in your life so you depend on God or do you feel it’s just easier to throw the responsibility on God so you don’t have to deal with it?  Now remember something. These folks have never thought of their lives in that way. It’s a foreign phrase, it’s totally out of their ability to comprehend that perhaps they have the power to do whatever they want. They have been so programmed by their parents, the church, society, the education system and the automatic thought process they actually don’t know that their belief system creates their reality. When we start discussing this, it’s like a light bulb goes on, and they start thinking about what they have been automatically thinking all their lives.

For me, it’s sad and unbelievable and I often ask myself had I never immigrated to Canada if I too would be like this. Am I product of Canadian culture or just a genetic fluke? But then I go back as far as I can remember and realize that I was born a rebel and never lived in the system. I wrote to my kids about this a few days ago trying to explain to them that we live in 2 totally different worlds. I don’t live in that system of following/obeying the rules, following trends and gurus, I left home at 16 because I could not stand being told what to do and how to live my life. I was a kid, yet even then authority had no power over me. I am not saying it’s a good way to live life, I’m just saying it’s my way of living it. Am I being critical for questioning religious people’s beliefs that they have no power and only God will give them what they need or take away something?

These are the thoughts I am having the past few days. I’m trying to find a way for my kids to accept me for thoughts and belief system and what I get back is criticizing “words” I write rather than understanding that it’s not what I write or say, it’s about accepting me for who I am.

I take risks. I have taken risks all my life. In fact, life would not be interesting if I didn’t take risks. I’m risking a relationship with my kids because I don’t understand why my daughter does not want to know if there is radiation in her area. Would you not want to know? Would you not feel empowered by having that information?  My son is arguing with me that I am obsessed and that there is no proof. He missed the point totally. I’m not insisting there is radiation, I’m simply saying test it to put it to rest once and for all. Yes, I am risking it, but if you are parent, I’m sure you know what I am talking about. We always risk losing our children over things that may not appear to be that important, but our children don’t understand that our love for them is so great that we have to risk it in order to help them.

I can only hope that one day they will both understand what I was trying to do. I see the timing is not right for it to happen now, but all I can do is let go and hope that one day they will understand why I risked it all. Trust me, it’s much easier when you are detached emotionally. I’m not saying I don’t love my children, I’m just saying I can and will risk losing their love in order to get them to want to know.

The programming is deep, so deep that my children’s generation don’t have a clue what is going on. They were already born into a deeply programmed matrix so to them this is all normal and part of life. I guess I understand now when I hear parents say that there is a huge generation gap, so much happens in one generation now. From the time my kids were born computers just came into the market, by the time they were in first grade, we had our first computer and internet, so in essence they were born into this electronic world, inundated with a lot of information and taught FALSE history. Is this the generation that will take the brunt of it all?

On the other hand, we can read and learn all we want, but we still choose what to believe and accept as truth. Our current problem is that we are fragmented because of the enormous amount of information. There is a huge gap between the haves and the have nots. The young people and young families are not having the time to live life, they are too busy working and surviving.

Believe what you like, live your life the way you feel is right for you, don’t judge others for not having the same views as yours and most importantly, realize that we are the generation that has to justify to our kids why we have gone off the deep end. For us truth seekers, we are ostracized like smokers are. My kids think I’m nuts, I’m obsessed. It’s a hard pillow to swallow to know that your own kids think of you as crazy  just because you don’t see the world like they do. I thought it was the other way around.

To end this story: If I am crazy, so be it. If my child was crazy, I would still love them. Unfortunately, in a politically correct world, it’s not always cool to do so.


2 thoughts on “How Many Years Did You Wait?

  1. Ines, I hope that you will keep an open mind here. I am sending one of my ‘kept’ pieces that identify with my own belief system. The following comes from ‘A New Earth’ I no longer have the book.

    Yes, you are the truth. if you look for it elsewhere, you will be deceived every time.
    The very being you are is truth. Jesus tried to convey that when he said ‘I am the way and the truth and the life.’ These words uttered by Jesus are one of the most powerful and direct pointers to the truth, if understood correctly. If misinterpreted however, they become a great obstacle.
    Jesus speaks of the innermost I AM, the essence identity of every man & woman, every life form, in fact he speaks of the life that you are. Some Christian mystics have called it ‘The Christ Within’- Buddhists call it ‘Your Buddha Nature’ -For Hindus, it is ‘Atman’ the indwelling God.

    When you are in touch with that dimension within yourself – and being in touch with it is your natural state – not some miraculous achievement – all your actions and relationships will reflect the oneness with all life that you sense deep within. THIS IS LOVE.

    Laws, commandments, rules and regulations are necessary for those who are cut off from who they are, the ‘Truth’ within – they prevent the worst excesses of the ego, and often they don’t even do that.
    (Love and do what you will) St Augustine. Words cannot get much closer to the truth than that.

    The ULTIMATE PURPOSE of human existence – which is to say YOUR PURPOSE – is to bring that power into this world, which is why being free of the ego cannot be made into a goal to be attained at some point in the future. Only presence can free you of the ego, and you can only be present now, not yesterday or tomorrow. Only presence can undo the past in you and thus transform your consciousness.

    The right to choose is for us all. We cannot make the other persons choices for them. They must find their own truth, their innate self.
    This has been sent with love.


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